Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being SeriousMarsh, Richard
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Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being Serious
Marsh, Richard
Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
"'You remember my telling you what a jade she was?'
"'I do.'
"'Well, here she is.'
"Mr. Spooner stared at me, as well he might do. For my part I was
dumb. Charlie Pearson always had a graceful way of introducing a lady.
"'You remember my telling you about that Baron she jilted me for?'
"'I do.'
"'And how I used to carry a revolver about with me in my breeches
pocket so that it might be handy to get a shot at him?' Mr. Spooner
nodded his head. 'I used to say that if she married I'd make her a
widow within a week. Well, she is married. But it's not to the Baron.
It seems that she sent him to the deuce after me. She's married a
man named Godwin. I suppose she thinks she can use her husbands like
her sweethearts, so she has given him the slip and left him ashore.
Think she's got tired of him, eh? Well, she must be pretty smart at
tiring--she only married him to-day. She's starting on her honeymoon.
This is her wedding night, and she's left the man ashore.'
"Mr. Spooner listened to this without even so much as blinking an eye.
He stood staring at me like a great stolid bear.
"'Spooner, I've laid awake of nights wondering when she and I would
meet again. I've gone half mad racking my brains, thinking what
vengeance I would take. I've asked myself over and over again what I'd
do to her if ever I got her in my power. Now I've got her. And I ask
you what you would do if you were I?'
"'I'd forgive her.'
"'Forgive her!'
"Mr. Pearson drew a long breath. He looked at Mr. Spooner and then he
looked at me.
"'That's a wrinkle. Hang me, I will forgive her! I'll treat her with
contempt and let her go. What shall I do with these gimcracks? I've
kept them as though they were the richest treasures from Ali Baba's
cave. Here's a lock of her hair, here's a rose from her bosom, here's
a shoe from her foot, here's a bundle of her letters. You know what's
in them, because I've read them to you many a time.'
"These were pleasant things for me to hear.
"'Spooner, what shall I do with these?'
"'Burn 'em.'
"'So I will. Here's the lot. Give 'em to the cook, and tell him to use
them in the morning to light his galley fire.'
"He thrust the various articles into Mr. Spooner's hands. You may
imagine my sensations.
"Then he turned to me.
"'Now, madam, if you wish it, I will show you to your cabin.'
"I was quite unable to speak. I had never supposed it was possible
that I could have been so cowed by two mere men. The truth is, that I
was in such a passion that I really was beside myself. I would have
given anything to have been a man to have been able to knock him down.
He showed me to the cabin, and without a word he left me at the door.
When I was inside I clenched my fists and stamped my foot and
screamed.
"'My dear child, aren't you well?'
"I looked up. There was an old woman, sitting up in her berth, and
looking at me through her spectacles.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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