Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
A stout German woman who sat near by also seemed to be looking upon the
chicken as though she would like to help me make away with it. With that
magnanimity which was ever my peculiar characteristic, I severed the
pope’s nose from the trunk and proffered her the delicious morsel, when,
to my utter astonishment and confusion, she whipped out of her pocket a
big bologna sausage the size of a stuffed club, and shook it
triumphantly in my face, so close that it might have greased the end of
my nose. She actually scouted the idea. Independent, proud and
self-sustaining, these Germans, and no mistake. She evidently felt
insulted, and delivered herself of a long essay in the German tongue.
She was undoubtedly giving me to understand that she was able to furnish
grists for her own mill. Of course that is what she meant. I could tell
that by the way she flourished the bologna, and pointed to her mouth and
stomach. I expected she was about to whack me over the jaw with the
singular looking weapon, and prepared to dodge on the shortest possible
notice. But she didn’t. As if to madden me, she commenced eating the
sausage in a hasty, excited manner, taking about two inches at a bite.
What could I do? What did I do? Why, let her eat it, of course; it was
none of my business. I had no objection, so long as she didn’t choke,
and render it necessary for me to pat her upon the back, which I
certainly thought I would have to do before she finished her meal.
You may be sure I offered no more chicken to any person after that, but
picked the bones as bare as pen-holders. If she liked bologna better
than a choice piece of fowl, it was her fault, not mine. I washed my
hands of the whole affair.
I stopped a few hours at a mill in the mountains, and while there
witnessed an amusing incident. There was a small pipe leading from the
engine, and projecting through the side of the building close to the
ground. Through this pipe the waste water was conveyed from the engine,
and at the end of it quite a puddle or drain had been formed, about a
foot in width and eight or ten feet in length. The constant dripping
from the pipe kept the water warm, and from it a steam was continually
rising. There were several Indian camps in the vicinity of the mill, and
as wood was rather scarce, the squaws belonging to the camps were in the
habit of congregating around this warm drain when the cold weather
numbed their poorly protected limbs. It was not an unusual thing to see
half a dozen coming down the hill to squat beside the drain, and there
sit for hours discussing the current topics of the day, enjoying at the
same time the luxury of a cheap steam bath.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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