It is even so! As Nature puts on her autumn tints, it becomes autumn
with me and around me. My leaves are sear and yellow, and the
neighbouring trees are divested of their foliage. Do you remember my
writing to you about a peasant-boy shortly after my arrival here? I
have just made inquiries about him in Walheim. They say he has been
dismissed from his service, and is now avoided by every one. I met him
yesterday on the road, going to a neighbouring village. I spoke to him,
and he told me his story. It interested me exceedingly, as you will
easily understand when I repeat it to you. But why should I trouble
you? Why should I not reserve all my sorrow for myself? Why should I
continue to give you occasion to pity and blame me? But no matter: this
also is part of my destiny.
At first the peasant-lad answered my inquiries with a sort of subdued
melancholy, which seemed to me the mark of a timid disposition; but as
we grew to understand each other, he spoke with less reserve, and
openly confessed his faults, and lamented his misfortune. I wish, my
dear friend, I could give proper expression to his language. He told
me, with a sort of pleasurable recollection, that after my departure
his passion for his mistress increased daily, until at last he neither
knew what he did nor what he said, nor what was to become of him. He
could neither eat nor drink nor sleep: he felt a sense of suffocation;
he disobeyed all orders, and forgot all commands involuntarily; he
seemed as if pursued by an evil spirit, till one day, knowing that his
mistress had gone to an upper chamber, he had followed, or rather, been
drawn after her. As she proved deaf to his entreaties, he had recourse
to violence. He knows not what happened; but he called God to witness
that his intentions to her were honourable, and that he desired nothing
more sincerely than that they should marry, and pass their lives
together. When he had come to this point, he began to hesitate, as if
there was something which he had not courage to utter, till at length
he acknowledged with some confusion certain little confidences she had
encouraged, and liberties she had allowed.
He broke off two or three times in his narration, and assured me most
earnestly that he had no wish to make her bad, as he termed it, for he
loved her still as sincerely as ever; that the tale had never before
escaped his lips, and was only now told to convince me that he was not
utterly lost and abandoned. And here, my dear friend, I must commence
the old song which you know I utter eternally. If I could only
represent the man as he stood, and stands now before me,--could I only
give his true expressions, you would feel compelled to sympathise in
his fate. But enough: you, who know my misfortune and my disposition,
can easily comprehend the attraction which draws me towards every
unfortunate being, but particularly towards him whose story I have
recounted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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