The singer canceled his engagement on account of “acute hoarseness.” Comforting Words A well-known comic actor, who had accumulated a large fortune, was on his deathbed. A number of his friends stood around, weeping. “Calm yourselves,” said the dying man, “you won’t weep over me as long as you have laughed over me!” Forgot to Crow At a small theatre, Hamlet was being given, and a very poor actor played the principal part. In the scene with the ghost, he shouted like mad. Some one in the parquet said: “Quite true to Shakespeare, only the cock forgot to crow when the ghost appeared.” “Instead of that,” some one else said, “an ass brayed.” Don’t Meddle A money lender once asked Garrick what he understood by “honesty”? “Why should you want to know,” replied Garrick; “you had better not meddle with things that don’t concern you!” Very Obliging When a third-rate actor, playing Hugo in Müllner’s “Guilt,” stabbed himself, the audience cried: “Bravo! da capo!” (do it again). He jumped up, bowed, and stabbed himself a second time. The Young Assyrian At the Karl Theatre in Vienna the farce “Judith and Holofernes” was being played. During the performance a small dog that had been hiding behind the scenes walked out on the stage, stood still in front of Holofernes and wagged his tail. Nestroy, who was playing that part, had hardly spied the uninvited guest, when he cried pathetically: “What does this young Assyrian here?” The audience broke into a roar of laughter and applause, while the young Assyrian fled. Nature, not Art A singer, whose simple, soulful singing more than compensated for the usual flourishes of so-called high art, was playing _Julia_ in “The Vestalin.” “Is this art?” asked the resident _prima donna_, of the manager. “God forbid!” replied he, with a sarcastic smile, “this is pure, true nature.” The Methodist’s View A Methodist once said of a theatre: “It is a place where Satan can have, every evening, so many souls for a few pieces of silver, that he is sorry he once bribed Judas Iscariot with thirty pieces.” Asking His Pardon While Beckmann, the great comic actor, was playing at Berlin, his friends persuaded him one day to imitate Fränkel, the journalist and critic. He did it both in looks and manners so well, that at the close of the act the audience called for Fränkel. The offended critic brought suit, and Beckmann was sentenced to ask the complainant’s pardon, in the presence of witnesses and at the plaintiff’s home. At the appointed hour Fränkel, surrounded by his family and a number of friends, was waiting for the penitent. Time passed on leaden feet. At last the door opened, Beckmann put his head in and asked: “Does Mr. Maier live here?” “Oh no,” replied Fränkel, “he lives next door.” “Ah, then, I beg your pardon!” said Beckmann, who, having thus done penance, retreated quickly, amidst shouts of laughter from all but the angry, disappointed Fränkel. Peter and the Cock