A manager whose name was Peter, engaged a singer, named Cock for a number of operas. At the first performance, the singer did not please. Things were worse at the second; and on the third night the house was empty. A critic said: “When the cock crew the third time, Peter went out and wept bitterly.” The Actor’s Generosity A great comic actor had been assisting at a concert, given for the benefit of the poor of a large parish. After the concert the clergyman entertained at supper all who had taken part. The great actor found under his napkin an easter egg, and on breaking it, five gold pieces fell out. “Ah,” he said merrily, to his host, “you knew that I am fond of boiled eggs, but one thing you did not know, that I eat only the white. Permit me to leave the yolk for your poor.” Art and Artist On the same day a mediocre actor and a frivolous spendthrift died at Berlin. Some one remarked: “The city has lost to-day two artists of a peculiar kind: the one still owes us art, the other had the art to owe us!” The Horse-Thief One day a famous actor, who was seeking his health in the country, missed his horse. He asked a countryman whether there were horse-thieves around. “Oh no,” said he, “we are all honest people here; but for some days, some actor-fellow from the city has been loafing around here; perhaps he took it.” Truth and Fiction A bishop once asked a great actor: “How is it, that we clergymen, in spite of the great and true subjects we discuss in public, make so little impression, while you gentlemen of the stage, make so much?” “It is because we actors make fiction sound like truth, while you clergymen make truth sound like fiction.” CHAPTER XI _The German Soldier_ The Greater Misfortune “The enemies of our military system,” said an examining officer, “say that a standing army is a great misfortune. Can you tell me of a still greater one?” “One that is running away,” was the quick rejoinder. Sitting and Standing A soldier who was supposed to stand guard at the entrance of a public building, had sat down on a large stone in front of it. An officer, in passing, asked him angrily: “What are you doing?” “I am sitting here standing guard.” The Soldier’s Requisites Lieutenant:—“What should every true soldier have?” Recruit:—“Three sweethearts—a cook, a barmaid, and a laundress.” Diplomatic Colonel:—“I do not see, Lieutenant, what there is to laugh at, in the serious words I am addressing to you.” Lieutenant (who has noticed that all the other officers present are watching him):—“If the Colonel will pardon me I will tell him. If I make a sober face, my comrades present will think I am being hauled over the coals; but seeing me smile, they will think you are inviting me to your dinner-party to-night.” The Recruit’s Use for His Head “You, fellow!” called a Sergeant to a recruit, “you are not paying attention! What is your head for?” “That my necktie can’t slip off.” An Unconscious Repetition