That was a very beautiful picture, perhaps, but at sight of it the blood
rushed to my head; I understood everything. They had taken Evunia, for
the child could not be in their way or understand their confessions.
They took her for appearance' sake. "All is over," thought I. "All is
over!" sounded the reeds. "All is over!" blurted out the ripple,
striking the side of my boat; and it grew dark in my eyes. I felt cold
and hot. I felt that pallor was covering my face. "Thou hast lost Hania!
thou hast lost her!" cried voices above me and in me. Then I heard, as
it were, the same voices crying, "Jesus, Mary!" and then these
continued, "Push up nearer; hide in the reeds; thou wilt see more!" I
obeyed, and pushed on with the boat as silently as a cat. But at that
distance I could not hear conversation; I only saw more distinctly that
they were sitting side by side on one bench, not holding each other's
hands, but Selim was turned toward Hania. It seemed to me after a while
that he was kneeling before her, but it only seemed so. He was turned
toward her and was looking at her entreatingly; she was not looking at
him, but seemed to glance on every side and unquietly; then she raised
her eyes. I saw that she was confused; I saw that he was begging for
something. I saw finally that he placed his palms together before her,
that she turned her head and eyes toward him slowly, that she began to
lean toward him, but suddenly recovered herself and pushed back toward
the edge of the boat. Then he seized her hand, as though fearing that
she might fall into the water. I saw that he did not let the hand go;
after that I saw nothing. I let the oar drop, and I fell on the bottom
of the boat, for a cloud covered my eyes. "Save! save, O God!" cried I,
in spirit; "here they are killing a man!" I felt that breath lacked me.
Oh, how I loved her, and how unhappy I was! Lying on the bottom of the
boat and tearing my clothing with rage, I felt all the helplessness of
that rage. Yes; I was powerless, powerless as an athlete with bound
hands, for what could I do? I might kill Selim; I might drive my boat
against theirs and sink both in the water; but from Hania's heart I
could not tear her love for Selim and take it for myself alone,--that
was impossible.
Ah, that feeling of powerless rage, that conviction that there is no
help, seemed almost worse at that moment than any other. I had always
been ashamed to cry even before myself. If pain pressed tears from my
eyes by force, pride kept them back with force not inferior. But now at
last burst forth the helpless rage which was rending my breast; and in
my loneliness, in presence of that boat with the loving pair reflected
in the water, in presence of that calm sky and those reeds rustling
plaintively above my head, and in my sadness and misfortune, I burst
into measureless sobbing, into one great wave of tears, and, lying on my
back with hands clasped above my head, I almost bellowed with mighty,
unspeakable sorrow.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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