The eloquent speaker, depressed by the perversity of Englishmen in
giving their minds to every part of creation but their bodies, suffered
a momentary loss of energy; then Mrs. Dodd, who had long been watching
lynx-like, glided in. “Let us compound. You are for curing all the
world, beginning with Nobody. My ambition is to cure _my girl,_ and
leave mankind in peace. Now, if you will begin with _my Julia,_ I will
submit to rectify the universe in its proper turn. Any time will do to
set the human race right; you own it is in no hurry: but _my child's_
case presses; so do pray cure her for me. Or at least tell me what her
Indisposition is.”
“Oh! What! didn't I tell you? Well, there's nothing the matter with
her.”
At receiving this cavalier reply for the reward of all her patience,
Mrs. Dodd was so hurt, and so nearly angry, that she rose with dignity
from her seat, her cheek actually pink, and the water in her eyes.
Sampson saw she was ruffled, and appealed to Julia--of all people.
“There now, Miss Julia,” said he, ruefully; “she is in a rage because I
won't humbug her. Poplus voolt decipee. I tell you, ma'am, it is not a
midical case. Give me disease and I'll cure 't. Stop, I'll tell ye
what do: let her take and swallow the Barkton Docks' prescriptions,
and Butcher Best's, and canting Kinyon's, and after those four tinkers
there'll be plenty holes to mend; then send for me!”
Here was irony. Mrs. Dodd retorted by _finesse._ She turned on him with
a treacherous smile, and said: “Never mind doctors and patients; it is
so long since we met; I do hope you will waive ceremony, and dine with
me _en ami._”
He accepted with pleasure; but must return to his inn first and get rid
of his dirty boots and pashints. And with this he whipped out his watch,
and saw that, dealing with universal medicine, he had disappointed more
than one sick individual; so shot out as hard as he had shot in, and
left the ladies looking at one another after the phenomenon.
“Well?” said Julia, with a world of meaning.
“Yes, dear,” replied Mrs. Dodd, “he _is_ a little eccentric. I think I
will request them to make some addition to the dinner.”
“No, mamma, if you please, not to put me off so transparently. If I had
interrupted, and shouted, and behaved so, you would have packed _me_ off
to bed, or somewhere, directly.”
“Don't say 'packed,' love. Dismissed me to bed.”
“Ah!” cried Julia, “that privileged person is gone, and we must all mind
our P's and Q's once more.”
Mrs. Dodd, with an air of nonchalance, replied to the effect that Dr.
Sampson was not her offspring, and so she was not bound to correct his
eccentricities. “And I suppose,” said she, languidly, “we must accept
these extraordinary people as we find them. But that is no reason why
_you_ should say 'P's and Q's,' darling.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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