Delighted at this concession, Mrs. Dodd took them out of her desk and
spread them earnestly. He ran his eye over them, and pointed out that
the mucous-membrane man and the nerve man had prescribed the same
medicine, on irreconcilable grounds; and a medicine, moreover, whose
effect on the nerves was _nil,_ and on the mucous membrane was not
to soothe it, but plough it and harrow it; “and did not that open her
eyes?” He then reminded her that all these doctors in consultation would
have contrived to agree. “But you,” said he, “have baffled the collusive
hoax by which Dox arrived at a sham uniformity--honest uniformity can
never exist till scientific principles obtain. Listme! To begin, is the
pashint in love?”
The doctor put this query in just the same tone in which they inquire
“Any expectoration?” But Mrs. Dodd, in reply, was less dry and
business-like. She started and looked aghast. This possibility had once,
for a moment, occurred to her, but only to be rejected, the evidence
being all against it.
“In love?” said she. “That child, and I not know it!”
He said he had never supposed that. “But I thought I'd just ask ye;
for she has no bodily ailment, and the passions are all counterfeit
diseases; they are connected, like all diseases, with cerebral
instability, have their hearts and chills like all diseases, and their
paroxysms and remissions like all diseases. Nlistme! You have detected
the signs of a slight cerebral instability; I have ascertained th'
absence of all physical cause: then why make this healthy pashint's
buddy a test-tube for poisons? Sovereign drugs (I deal with no other,
I leave the nullities to the noodles) are either counterpoisons or
poisons, and here there is nothing to counterpoison at prisent. So I'm
for caushin, and working on the safe side th' hidge, till we are less in
the dark. Mind ye, young women at her age are kittle cattle; they have
gusts o' this, and gusts o' that, th' unreasonable imps. D'ye see these
two pieces pasteboard? They are tickets for a ball,
In Barkton town-hall.”
“Yes, of course I see them,” said Mrs. Dodd dolefully.
“Well, I prescribe 'em. And when they have been taken,
And the pashint well shaken,
perhaps we shall see whether we are on the right system: and if
so, we'll dose her with youthful society in a more irrashinal form;
conversaziones, cookeyshines, et citera. And if we find ourselves on the
wrong _tack_ why then we'll hark _back._
Stick blindly to 'a course,' the Dockers cry.
But it does me harm: _Then_ 'twill do good _by-and-bye._
Where lairned ye that, Echoes of Echoes, say!
The killer ploughs 'a course,' the healer _'feels his way.'_”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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