So buy me a bicycle, papa, I pray, A wheel that will spin like a breeze, And keep me from getting in trouble in-doors; I am truly so anxious to please. Patrick had a nice little trade in ice in the small town of B----, and everything progressed smoothly, until one day a rival set up business, and by degrees took Pat's customers away. Patrick was very mad and swore vengeance, but was at a loss how to accomplish the matter. At last he hit upon a plan, and immediately proceeded to put it into execution. He visited each of the customers he had lost, and solemnly assured them that his rival only sold warm ice. A theatrical manager had considerable trouble with his star actor, who was constantly meeting with accidents or falling sick. One day, as the story goes, the star was hurt in a boiler explosion. When the manager heard of it he remarked to his agent, "I am sick of this sort of thing. Advertise him, as usual, and add that we intend bringing out a new piece, in which the great star Mr. D---- will appear in _several_ parts." BOBBY. "I wish the Lord had made the world in two days." JACK. "Why?" BOBBY. "Then we'd have had three Sundays a week." AT THE CAT SHOW. MRS. S. "What is the name of your cat?" MRS. W. "Claude." MRS. S. "Why do you call it Claude?" MRS. W. "Because it scratched me." An old darky lived in the South who was a great barterer, and it was very hard to beat him on a trade. It seems he had sold a mule, guaranteeing him faultless. The purchaser shortly after came back in a great rage, and said, "Look here, you rascal, that mule you sold me is blind in one eye; you assured me he had no faults." "Dat's right, sah; dat mule habe no faults. If he am blind in one eye, dat am his misfortune, not his fault." "I think I ought to stay home from school to-day," said Bobbie. "Why so, Bobbie?" asked his father. "You aren't ill, are you?" "No, poppy; but I dreamed I was in school answering questions all last night, and I think I've had enough for one day," said Bobbie. "Do you know your letters, Jack?" "No, sir; but the postman does, and he always tells. I don't need to know 'em." "Have you tried the ROUND TABLE bicycle maps, Wilbur?" asked Wilbur's father. "Yes, I have," said Wilbur; "but the trouble is, daddy, sometimes I get 'em upside down, and sort of have trouble finding my way home." BABY ELEPHANT AND BUBBLES. [Illustration: "OH!"] [Illustration: "AH!"] [Illustration: "MY!"] [Illustration: "EYE!"] End of Project Gutenberg's Harper's Round Table, July 16, 1895, by Various