Auntie was a Southern mammy who had come North with the family she was born in, for the first time in her life. The sights and peculiarities of the Northern people, so strange to her eyes, caused her a great deal of trouble and confusion, and also provoked much mirth. Now Auntie had seen but little ice in the South, and one very warm day she addressed her young missus: "Lor', chile, I's dot a powerful headdake." "Why, Auntie, I'll get you some ice," which the young lady did, telling her to put some in a handkerchief around her head, and take a small piece in her mouth. Auntie started to do as she was directed, but evidently overdid it, for in a short time she burst into the dining-room, shouting, "O Lor', missee, I's frizzed, I's gwine ter die. O Lor' er massy, gim me some hot water, quick, befo' I's a dead mammy." "Why, what on earth is the matter, Auntie?" After a great deal of trouble, the following explanation was given: "I's done swallow dat piece of ice as youse tole me, an' it stuck in my chest, an' den it began ter freeze all my chest, an' I done feel it er reachin' fer my heart. Dat settled it sure 'nough. Nothin' would stop that freezin' till I swallered de hot water ter melt it. Yes, I's better now, but I don' want no more ob dat ice." TEACHER. "If your father was to hear of your bad conduct it would make his hair turn gray." BOBBY. "I beg your pardon, sir, my father hasn't any hair left." TOMMY. "Why does the sun rise in the east?" BOBBY. "I guess there must be a (y)east factory over that way." FIRST BOY. "Did you hurt yourself when you fell that time?" SECOND BOY. "Nop, not when I fell; it was when I hit the ground I hurt myself." THE HORNETS' NEST. The hornets' nest is football-shaped About the rose-bush curled, But I would never raise my foot To kick it for the world. A gentleman once asked a lawyer what he would do provided he had loaned a man $500, and the man left the country without sending any acknowledgments. "Why, that's simple; just write him to send an acknowledgment for the $5000 you lent him, and he will doubtless reply stating it was only $500. That will suffice for a receipt, and you can proceed against him if necessary." End of Project Gutenberg's Harper's Round Table, July 23, 1895, by Various