Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Pacifism -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- United States -- Fiction
“Oh my God—my God—my God....” he said, but he did not wake. This he
said over many times.
At last the Inger dozed, with a preliminary sense of sinking, and of
struggling not to let himself go. In his dream he went with his father
on an immense empty field. There they were looking for the others, and
they could see no one. They walked for a long way, looking for the
others. Then these others were all about them, and they were marching,
and it seemed very natural that there should be war. At any moment
now, there would be war. So they marched and stood face to face with
those whom they were sent to fight. And a sense of sickening horror
shook him in his dream—for those whom they faced were women. The women
were coming, and they had only their bare hands. Tossed by a tide of
ancestral fear, he understood that among those women was Lory Moor.
He shouted to her to go away—but instead they all came on, steadily,
all those women—and he could not tell where she walked, and every one
said that the orders were to fire. Caught and wrenched by the fear that
never lives, any more, among waking men, he lived the dead passion of
fear in his sleep, and woke, wasted by his horror.
He struggled up and looked at his father.
“Oh my God ... my God ... my God,” his weak voice was going on.
And from the floor beside him the black headlines of the lying paper
stared:
“U. S. To Declare War To-Day.”
The Inger slept again, and this time the clamor and crashing of the
thing were upon him. This now was war—but not as he had imagined it.
He was in no excitement, no enthusiasm, even no horror. He was merely
looking for a chance to kill—keenly, methodically, looking for a
chance to kill. In the ranks beside him was that old madman from the
kitchen—but there was no time even to think of this. They were all
very busy. Then it grew dark, and the field went swimming out in stars,
and many voices came calling and these met where he was:
“God—God—they’ve killed God....” the voices cried.
Again the nameless terror shook him. What if _he_ had been the one to
kill God? He sought wildly among piles of the dead to find God, and he
was not found. Then many came and touched him and stared in his face,
and he understood them. God had not been killed at all. _He himself was
God and he had been killing men...._
At this the terror that was on him was like nothing that he had ever
known. It took him and tore him, and he writhed under a nameless sense
of the irreparable, which ate at him, living. When he awoke, he lay
weakly grateful that the thing was not true. Something swam through his
head, and he tried to capture it—was it true? Was he God? He struggled
up and sat with his head in his hands. There were things that he wanted
to think, if he had known how to think then.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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