"It is a horrid habit," she confessed, "but this business will drive
women to do horrid things. Listen, Hampstead. It’s hard for a man;
you’ve found that out, and you’re only beginning. It’s harder for a
woman; the despairs, the disappointments, the bitter lonelinesses,—the
beasts of men one meets! But—" With a shrug of her shoulders she
suddenly broke off her train of thought, and turning an inquiring glance
on Hampstead asked:
"You never smoked?"
"Oh, yes," confessed John, "but I quit it. I decided it would not be
good for me."
She regarded him narrowly, and asked:
"You would not do a thing which did not appear good for you?"
There was just a little accent on the "good."
"I have tried to calculate my resources," John confessed, resenting that
accent.
Again Miss Dounay contemplated him in silence.
"You are a singularly calculating young man, I should say," she decreed
finally. "And how long, may I ask, have you been living this
calculating life?"
Marien was making a play upon his word "calculate."
"Seven years, I should say," replied John, thinking back.
"Seven years?" she mused. "Seven! And you feel that it has paid?"
"Immensely," replied John aggressively.
"By the way, how old are you, Ursus?"
This was what the old actor had asked. People were always asking John
how old he was.
"Twenty-five," John answered a trifle apologetically. "I got started
late. And you?"
The question was put without hesitation, as if it were the next thing to
say.
"A man does not ask a woman her age in polite conversation," suggested
Marien tentatively.
"He does not," replied John quickly, "if he thinks the answer is likely
to be embarrassing."
Marien’s face flushed with pleasure.
"Oh, hear him!" she laughed. "This heavy man is not so heavy, after
all; but," she added, with another insinuating inflection, "he is always
calculating." Then she went on, "You are right. The confession to you
at least is not embarrassing. I am twenty-four years old, and I, too,
have been living a calculating life for seven years."
"For seven years. How odd!" remarked John, rather excited at
discovering even a slight parallel between himself and this brilliant
creature.
"Yes," Marien replied. "I ran away from home at sixteen. I have been
on the stage eight years. The first year was a careless one. The other
seven have been—_calculating_ years."
John could think of no words in which to describe the sinister
significance which Marien now managed to get into her drawling utterance
of that word "calculating." She made it express somehow the plotting
villainies of an Iago, of a Richard the Third and a Lady Macbeth, and
then overlaid the sinister note with something else, an impression of
lofty abandon, of immolation, as if, in calculating her life, she had
laid upon the altar all there was of herself—everything—in order to
attain some supreme end.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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