I looked about the little office--busts, prints, cuttings, and an
enormous paper-basket, that looked as if it might swallow a man, bones
and all. I felt sad at heart at the sight of this monstrous chasm, this
dragon's mouth, that always stood open, always ready to receive
rejected work, newly crushed hopes.
"What day of the month is it?" queried the "commandor" from the table.
"The 28th," I reply, pleased that I can be of service to him, "the
28th," and he continues writing. At last he encloses a couple of
letters in their envelopes, tosses some papers into the basket, and
lays down his pen. Then he swings round on his chair, and looks at me.
Observing that I am still standing near the door, he makes a
half-serious, half-playful motion with his hand, and points to a chair.
I turn aside, so that he may not see that I have no waistcoat on, when
I open my coat to take the manuscript out of my pocket.
"It is only a little character sketch of Correggio," I say; "but
perhaps it is, worse luck, not written in such a way that...."
He takes the papers out of my hand, and commences to go through them.
His face is turned towards me.
And so it is thus he looks at close quarters, this man, whose name I
had already heard in my earliest youth, and whose paper had exercised
the greatest influence upon me as the years advanced? His hair is
curly, and his beautiful brown eyes are a little restless. He has a
habit of tweaking his nose now and then. No Scotch minister could look
milder than this truculent writer, whose pen always left bleeding scars
wherever it attacked. A peculiar feeling of awe and admiration comes
over me in the presence of this man. The tears are on the point of
coming to my eyes, and I advanced a step to tell him how heartily I
appreciated him, for all he had taught me, and to beg him not to hurt
me; I was only a poor bungling wretch, who had had a sorry enough time
of it as it was....
He looked up, and placed my manuscript slowly together, whilst he sat
and considered. To make it easier for him to give me a refusal, I
stretch out my hand a little, and say:
"Ah, well, of course, it is not of any use to you," and I smile to give
him the impression that I take it easily.
"Everything has to be of such a popular nature to be of any use to us,"
he replies; "you know the kind of public we have. But can't you try and
write something a little more commonplace, or hit upon something that
people understand better?"
His forbearance astonishes me. I understand that my article is
rejected, and yet I could not have received a prettier refusal. Not to
take up his time any longer, I reply:
"Oh yes, I daresay I can."
I go towards the door. Hem--he must pray forgive me for having taken up
his time with this ... I bow, and turn the door handle.
"If you need it," he says, "you are welcome to draw a little in
advance; you can write for it, you know."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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