"I'll Leave It To You": A Light Comedy In Three Acts — John Shaqi
"I'll Leave It To You": A Light Comedy In Three ActsCoward, Noël
General
"I'll Leave It To You": A Light Comedy In Three Acts
Coward, Noël
Comedy plays; Inheritance and succession -- Drama
BOBBIE (_rising, flaring up_). I tell you I never touched your damned
racquet--I've got one of my own. (_Knocks his chair over._)
JOYCE. A jolly rotten one, though.
BOBBIE. Shut up, Joyce, and mind your own business.
EVANGELINE. Don't speak to Joyce like that, Bobbie. You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
BOBBIE. I'll speak how I like.
OLIVER (_rising_). Not while I'm here, you won't.
BOBBIE (_jeeringly_). Come on, oh strong and silent elder brother, let's
be manly and knock one another about.
OLIVER. A little more of that would do you a lot of good.
BOBBIE. Well, you'd better not try it.
(OLIVER _knocks a plate on to the floor, breaking it._)
There, that's what happens when you let elephants loose in the house.
(_Picks up his chair._)
(_During this_, MRS. DERMOTT _does comic business with newspaper,
repeatedly dropping sheets and attempting to fold the paper._)
MRS. DERMOTT. Oliver, if you and Bobbie can't stop quarrelling you'd
better both leave the table. I can't think what's the matter with you
all. Just because Uncle Daniel chose to have a little fun with you, you
all behave like bears with sore heads.
(BOBBIE _and_ OLIVER _re-sit and continue eating._)
EVANGELINE. Uncle Daniel meant every word he said, mother. He hasn't got
a penny in the world.
MRS. DERMOTT. Nonsense, Evangeline. How do you suppose he could get
backwards and forwards to America and send me large cheques and things?
JOYCE. He wins a little from time to time by horse-racing.
MRS. DERMOTT. Rubbish. No one can ever win at horse-racing. I never did.
The bookies and jockeys and people don't let you.
EVANGELINE. Mother dear, how _can_ you be so obstinate. I tell you he
told us all about it in here yesterday afternoon--gave us his solemn
word----
MRS. DERMOTT. But only in fun, darling, only in fun--he's obviously a
very rich man.
OLIVER. Hah!
MRS. DERMOTT. By the by, I wish one of you would just go into the garden
and find him. The mushrooms will be ruined.
SYLVIA. He isn't in the garden at all, mother, he's gone to the _Green
Hart_.
(_All look surprised._)
MRS. DERMOTT. What do you mean, Sylvia? Why has he gone to the _Green
Hart_?
SYLVIA. Because every one here had been so beastly to him.
(_They all continue breakfast hurriedly._)
MRS. DERMOTT. You mean that he----! Oh, Sylvia! (_She bursts into
tears._)
SYLVIA. Mother darling, don't cry.... (_Rises and kisses her._)
MRS. DERMOTT (_weeping bitterly_). Darling Danny. My only brother. And
you've driven him away--after all his kindness and everything. Oh, how
could you? How could you? He must be sent for at once. (_She rises and
rings the bell, dropping bits of newspaper en route._) You're wicked,
wicked children, and you don't deserve any one to be kind to you ever
again.
(_Enter_ GRIGGS, R.)
Oh, Griggs, send the car down to the _Green Hart_ at once to fetch Mr.
Davis.
GRIGGS. Yes, madam.
(_Exit_ GRIGGS, R.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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