Idle Ideas in 1905Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Idle Ideas in 1905
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
It is a pathetic, haunting refrain. They sing it in the drawing-rooms of
Moscow and St. Petersburg, and somehow the light talk and laughter die
away, and a hush, like a chill breath, enters by the closed door and
passes through. It is a curious song, like the wailing of a tired wind,
and one day it will sweep over the land heralding terror.
A Scotsman I met in Russia told me that when he first came out to act as
manager of a large factory in St. Petersburg, belonging to his Scottish
employers, he unwittingly made a mistake the first week when paying his
workpeople. By a miscalculation of the Russian money he paid the men,
each one, nearly a rouble short. He discovered his error before the
following Saturday, and then put the matter right. The men accepted his
explanation with perfect composure and without any comment whatever. The
thing astonished him.
“But you must have known I was paying you short,” he said to one of them.
“Why didn’t you tell me of it?”
“Oh,” answered the man, “we thought you were putting it in your own
pocket and then if we had complained it would have meant dismissal for
us. No one would have taken our word against yours.”
Corruption appears to be so general throughout the whole of Russia that
all classes have come to accept it as part of the established order of
things. A friend gave me a little dog to bring away with me. It was a
valuable animal, and I wished to keep it with me. It is strictly
forbidden to take dogs into railway carriages. The list of the pains and
penalties for doing so frightened me considerably.
“Oh, that will be all right,” my friend assured me; “have a few roubles
loose in your pocket.”
I tipped the station master and I tipped the guard, and started pleased
with myself. But I had not anticipated what was in store for me. The
news that an Englishman with a dog in a basket and roubles in his pocket
was coming must have been telegraphed all down the line. At almost every
stopping-place some enormous official, wearing generally a sword and a
helmet, boarded the train. At first these fellows terrified me. I took
them for field-marshals at least.
Visions of Siberia crossed my mind. Anxious and trembling, I gave the
first one a gold piece. He shook me warmly by the hand—I thought he was
going to kiss me. If I had offered him my cheek I am sure he would have
done so. With the next one I felt less apprehensive. For a couple of
roubles he blessed me, so I gathered; and, commending me to the care of
the Almighty, departed. Before I had reached the German frontier, I was
giving away the equivalent of English sixpences to men with the dress and
carriage of major-generals; and to see their faces brighten up and to
receive their heartfelt benediction was well worth the money.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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