Idle Ideas in 1905Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Idle Ideas in 1905
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
“Yes,” she answered. “They set him free last week. He will join me in
London. We shall be able to finish our honeymoon.”
She smiled, revealing to me that once she had been a girl.
I read in the English papers of the exhibition in London. It was said
the artist showed much promise. So possibly a career may at last be
opening out for him.
Nature has made life hard to Russian rich and poor alike. To the banks
of the Neva, with its ague and influenza-bestowing fogs and mists, one
imagines that the Devil himself must have guided Peter the Great.
“Show me in all my dominions the most hopelessly unattractive site on
which to build a city,” Peter must have prayed; and the Devil having
discovered the site on which St. Petersburg now stands, must have
returned to his master in high good feather.
“I think, my dear Peter, I have found you something really unique. It is
a pestilent swamp to which a mighty river brings bitter blasts and
marrow-chilling fogs, while during the brief summer time the wind will
bring you sand. In this way you will combine the disadvantages of the
North Pole with those of the desert of Sahara.”
In the winter time the Russians light their great stoves, and doubly
barricade their doors and windows; and in this atmosphere, like to that
of a greenhouse, many of their women will pass six months, never
venturing out of doors. Even the men only go out at intervals. Every
office, every shop is an oven. Men of forty have white hair and
parchment faces; and the women are old at thirty. The farm labourers,
during the few summer months, work almost entirely without sleep. They
leave that for the winter, when they shut themselves up like dormice in
their hovels, their store of food and vodka buried underneath the floor.
For days together they sleep, then wake and dig, then sleep again.
The Russian party lasts all night. In an adjoining room are beds and
couches; half a dozen guests are always sleeping. An hour contents them,
then they rejoin the company, and other guests take their places. The
Russian eats when he feels so disposed; the table is always spread, the
guests come and go. Once a year there is a great feast in Moscow. The
Russian merchant and his friends sit down early in the day, and a sort of
thick, sweet pancake is served up hot. The feast continues for many
hours, and the ambition of the Russian merchant is to eat more than his
neighbour. Fifty or sixty of these hot cakes a man will consume at a
sitting, and a dozen funerals in Moscow is often the result.
An uncivilised people, we call them in our lordly way, but they are
young. Russian history is not yet three hundred years old. They will
see us out, I am inclined to think. Their energy, their
intelligence—when these show above the groundwork—are monstrous. I have
known a Russian learn Chinese within six months. English! they learn it
while you are talking to them. The children play at chess and study the
violin for their own amusement.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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