And now it seems to me as if I might go on writing to the end of what
remains of my lifetime, and never come to a finish. But I have to
take hold of myself, as it were, with resolution, and to refrain from
speaking of a hundred thousand things which interest me in memory.
The story I am bidden to tell is of how and why I came to rob Miss
Rossano of forty thousand pounds, and yet not to suffer one whit in her
esteem or in my own. It is an easy thing to say to a man, “You took part
in such and such an adventure; you know all about it; take your pen in
your hand and write a history of it.” The trouble is in the selection;
and I have found myself so gravely puzzled as to what I shall leave out
that I see nothing for it but to set down formally before myself, for
my own guidance, the names of the people who are most closely and
intimately concerned in what I have to tell; and having done that, I
must resolve to restrict my narrative to the history of their sayings
and doings. Such a countless crowd of people surge up into memory that
this is more difficult than any one would fancy. All my old comrades in
deliberation, my friends in council, my companions in the war of later
on are with me at times as I sit and think over the incidents of this
story. The odd part of it is that a thousand things I had forgotten come
back as clearly as if they had happened yesterday, and I should feel a
greater pleasure in dwelling upon them than upon the main incidents to
which I am bound to confine myself. Roaring nights by the camp-fire,
when a chance-found skin of wine made the time glorious; jolly little
touches of mirth and _camaraderie_ here and there; heats of battle,
splendors of victory, miseries of retreat--all come back upon me, and
the faces of many dead comrades people the air.
But to come to my resolution. There is Brunow, who was the fatal cause
of it all; and the Baroness Bonnar, who made her cat's-paw of him; and
Ruffiano, whom the two betrayed between them; and then there are left
the count, and Miss Rossano, and the faithful Hinge. Then there is the
ghost of poor Constance Pleyel, who came like a wraith out of the past
and vanished again into the darkness; then there is myself for the
centre of the story, whether I like it or not. Here are now my _dramatis
persono_ before me. The stage of my mind is crowded with auxiliaries,
but I dare scarcely glance at them.
And who was Constance Pleyel? In a sense she was the motive and
main-spring of my life, for it was she who embarked me on that career of
adventure which has made me what I am.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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