They didn't leave me till they'd stripped me clean. I felt like a
Christmas tree the day after. But, somehow, I didn't care.
VIII.
Is that you, Mag? Well, it's about time you came home to look after
me. Fine chaperon you make, Miss Monahan! Why, didn't I tell you the
very day we took this flat what a chaperon was, and that you'd have to
be mine? Imagine Nancy Olden without a chaperon--Shocking!
No, 'tisn't late. Sit down, Maggie, there, and let me get the stool
and talk to you. Think of us two--Cruelty girls, both of us--two mangy
kittens deserted by the old cats in a city's alleys, and left mewing
with cold and hunger and dirt, out in the wet--think of us two in our
own flat, Mag!
I say, it makes me proud of us! There are times when I look at every
stick of furniture we own, and I try to pretend to it all that I'm used
to a decent roof over my head, and a dining-room, kitchen, parlor,
bedroom and bath. Oh, and I forgot the telephone the other tenant left
here till its lease is up. But at other times I stand here in the
middle of it and cry out to it, in my heart:
"Look at me, Nancy Olden, a householder, a rent-payer, the head of the
family, even if it's only a family of two and the other one Mag! Look
at me, with my name in the directory, a-paying milk bills and meat
bills and bread bills! Look at me with a place of my own, where
nobody's right's greater than my own; where no one has a right but me
and Mag; a place where--where there's nothing to hide from the police!"
There's the rub, Mag, as Hamlet says--(I went to see it the other
night, so that I could take off the Ophelia--she used to be a good
mimic herself, before she tried to be a leading lady.) It spoils you,
this sense of safeness that goes with the honesty graft. You lose the
quickness of the hunter and the nerve of the hunted. And--worse--you
lose your taste for the old risky life. You grow proud and fat, and you
love every stick in the dear, quiet little place that's your home--your
own home. You love it so that you'd be ashamed to sneak round where it
could see you--you who'd always walked upright before it with the step
of the mistress; with nothing in the world to be ashamed of; nothing to
prevent your staring each honest dish-pan in the face!
And, Mag, you try--if you're me--to fit Tom Dorgan in here--Tom Dorgan
in stripes and savage sulks still--all these months--kept away from the
world, even the world behind bars! Maggie, don't you wish Tom was a
ventriloquist or--or an acrobat or--but this isn't what I had to tell
you.
Do you know what a society entertainer is, Miss Monahan? No? Well,
look at me. Yes, I'm one. Miss Nance Olden, whose services are worth
fifty dollars a night--at least, they were one night.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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