Eighteen days elapsed, and she had begun to think it probable she
should never see him again. He too then understood now: he had made out
that she had secrets and reasons and impediments, that even a poor girl
at the P.O. might have her complications. With the charm she had cast
on him lightened by distance he had suffered a final delicacy to speak
to him, had made up his mind that it would be only decent to let her
alone. Never so much as during these latter days had she felt the
precariousness of their relation—the happy beautiful untroubled
original one, if it could only have been restored—in which the public
servant and the casual public only were concerned. It hung at the best
by the merest silken thread, which was at the mercy of any accident and
might snap at any minute. She arrived by the end of the fortnight at
the highest sense of actual fitness, never doubting that her decision
was now complete. She would just give him a few days more to come back
to her on a proper impersonal basis—for even to an embarrassing
representative of the casual public a public servant with a conscience
did owe something—and then would signify to Mr. Mudge that she was
ready for the little home. It had been visited, in the further talk she
had had with him at Bournemouth, from garret to cellar, and they had
especially lingered, with their respectively darkened brows, before the
niche into which it was to be broached to her mother that she must find
means to fit.
He had put it to her more definitely than before that his calculations
had allowed for that dingy presence, and he had thereby marked the
greatest impression he had ever made on her. It was a stroke superior
even again to his handling of the drunken soldier. What she considered
that in the face of it she hung on at Cocker’s for was something she
could only have described as the common fairness of a last word. Her
actual last word had been, till it should be superseded, that she
wouldn’t forsake her other friend, and it stuck to her through thick
and thin that she was still at her post and on her honour. This other
friend had shown so much beauty of conduct already that he would surely
after all just re-appear long enough to relieve her, to give her
something she could take away. She saw it, caught it, at times, his
parting present; and there were moments when she felt herself sitting
like a beggar with a hand held out to almsgiver who only fumbled. She
hadn’t taken the sovereigns, but she _would_ take the penny. She heard,
in imagination, on the counter, the ring of the copper. “Don’t put
yourself out any longer,” he would say, “for so bad a case. You’ve done
all there is to be done. I thank and acquit and release you. Our lives
take us. I don’t know much—though I’ve really been interested—about
yours, but I suppose you’ve got one. Mine at any rate will take
_me_—and where it will. Heigh-ho! Good-bye.” And then once more, for
the sweetest faintest flower of all: “Only, I say—see here!” She had
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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