That word "genius" came too often from Doria's lips. At first it
irritated me; then I heard it with morbid detestation. In the course of
a more or less intimate conversation with Adrian, I let slip a mild
expression of my feelings. He groaned sympathetically.
"I wish to heaven she wouldn't do it," said he. "It puts a man into such
a horrible false position towards himself. It's beautiful of her, of
course--it's her love for me. But it gets on my nerves. Instead of
sitting down at my desk with nothing in my mind but my day's work to
slog through, I hear her voice and I have to say to myself, 'Go to. I am
a genius. I mustn't write like any common fellow. I must produce the
work of a genius.' It really plays the devil with me."
He walked excitedly about the library, flourishing a cigar and
scattering the ash about the carpet. I am pernicketty in a few ways and
hate tobacco ash on my carpet; every room in the house is an arsenal of
ash trays. In normal mood Adrian punctiliously observed the little laws
of the establishment. This scattering of cigar ash was a sign of
spiritual convulsion.
"Have you explained the matter to Doria?" I asked.
He halted before me performing his new uncomfortable trick of slithering
thumb over finger tips.
"No," he snapped. "How can I?"
I replied, mildly, that it seemed to be the simplest thing in the world.
He broke away impatiently, saying that I couldn't understand.
"All right," said I, though what there was to understand in so
elementary a proposition goodness only knows. I was beginning to resent
this perpetual charge of non-intelligence.
"I think we had better clear out," he said. "I'm only a damned nuisance.
I've got this book of mine on the brain"--he held up his head with both
hands--"and I'm not a fit companion for anybody."
I adjured him in familiar terms not to talk rubbish. He was here for the
repose of country things and freedom from day-infesting cares. Already
he was looking better for the change. But I could not refrain from
adding:
"You wrote 'The Diamond Gate' without turning a hair. Why should you
worry yourself to death about this new book?"
When he answered I had the shivering impression of a wizened old man
speaking to me. The slight cast I had noticed in his blue eyes became
oddly accentuated.
"'The Diamond Gate,'" he said, peering at me uncannily, "was just a
pretty amateur story. The new book is going to stagger the soul of
humanity."
"I wish you weren't such a secretive devil," said I. "What's the book
about? Tell an old friend. Get it off your mind. It will do you good."
I put my arm round his shoulders and my hand gave him an affectionate
grip. My heart ached for the dear fellow, and I longed, in the plain
man's way, to break down the walls of reserve, which like those of the
Inquisition Chamber, I felt were closing tragically upon him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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