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"Isn't it odd to think," she whispered, "that in a few moments another
day will begin? I feel more like Cinderella than ever--now. You have
given me such a good time," her voice trembled, and he looked up and
stared at her strangely. "You've almost made me in love again with
life," and she was sincere in what she said.
"I?" said Lingard hoarsely. "I?"
"Yes, you! You don't know--how could you know?--what it's been to me,
what it would have been to any woman, to have a man for a friend, to
feel at last that there is someone to whom one can say everything----"
He looked away from her. At all costs he must prevent himself from
showing what he felt--the violent, the primitive emotion her simple,
touching words had called forth.
How utterly she would despise him if she knew! He swore to himself she
should never know that she had made him all unwittingly traitor to the
woman she loved,--the woman alas! whom they both loved. Lingard, and
that was part of the punishment he already had to endure, never left off
loving Jane Oglander. Jane was always, in a spiritual sense, very near
to him; it was her physical self which was remote.
The tiny gong behind the little clock began to strike, quick precipitate
strokes.
"Isn't it in a hurry?" said Athena plaintively, "in such a hurry to end
the last of my happy days." Her voice broke into a sob, and Lingard, at
last looking straight into her face, saw that tears were rolling down
her cheeks.
He gave a hoarse inarticulate cry. Athena thought he said "My God!" She
was filled with a sense of intoxicating happiness and triumph. Each of
the wild, broken words--words of self-abasement, self-blame,
self-rebuke, which Lingard uttered, holding both her hands in his firm
grasp,--meant to her what fluttering white flags of surrender mean to
besiegers.
With downcast eyes, with beating heart she listened while Lingard,
abasing himself and exalting her, took all the blame--and shame--on
himself. His words fell very sweetly and comfortingly on her ears.
Athena had no wish to act treacherously by Jane.
Any other man but this strange man would have had her long ago in his
arms, but Lingard, though he held her hands so tightly that his grasp
hurt, made no other movement towards her, not even when with a sobbing
sigh she admitted--and as she did so there came across her a slight
feeling of shame--that she, too, had been a traitor, an unwilling, an
unwitting traitor, to Jane these last few days.
At last they made a compact--how often are such compacts made, and
broken?--that Jane should never, never, know the strange madness which
had seized them both.
Lingard spoke of leaving the next day. Nothing would be easier than to
urge important business in London. But again the tears sprang to
Athena's eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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