East Anglia (England) -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
Emma Levinger and her father also haunted the inn, and it was during those dark
days that the state of the former’s affections became clear both to
herself and to every one about her. Before this she had never confessed even to
her own heart that she was attached to Henry Graves; but now, in the agony of
her suspense, this love of hers arose in strength, and she knew that, whether
he stayed or was called away, it must always be the nearest and most constant
companion of her life. Why she loved him Emma could not tell, nor even when she
began to do so; and indeed these things are difficult to define. But the fact
remained, hard, palpable, staring: a fact which she had no longer any care to
conceal or ignore, seeing that the conditions of the case caused her to set
aside those considerations of womanly reserve that doubtless would otherwise
have induced her to veil the secret of her heart for ever, or until
circumstances gave opportunity for its legitimate expression.
At length on a certain afternoon there came a crisis to which there was but one
probable issue. The doctors and nurses were in Henry’s room doing their
best to ward off the fate that seemed to be approaching, whilst Lady Graves,
Mr. Levinger, Ellen and Emma sat in the parlour awaiting tidings, and striving
to hope against hope. An hour passed, and Emma could bear the uncertainty no
longer. Slipping out unobserved, she stole towards the sick room and listened
at a little distance from it. Within she could hear the voice of a man raving
in delirium, and the cautious tread of those who tended him. Presently the door
opened and Joan appeared, walking towards her with ashen face and shaking limbs.
“How is he?” asked Emma in an intense whisper, catching at her
dress as she passed.
Joan looked at her and shook her head: speak she could not. Emma watched her go
with vacant eyes, and a jealousy smote her, which made itself felt even through
the pain that tore her heart in two. Why should this woman be free to come and
go about the bedside of the man who was everything to her—to hold his
dying hand and to lift his dying head—while she was shut outside his
door? Emma wondered bitterly. Surely that should be her place, not the village
girl’s who had been the cause of all this sorrow. Then she turned, and,
creeping back to the parlour, she flung herself into a chair and covered her
face with her hands.
“Have you heard anything?” asked Lady Graves.
Emma made no reply but her despair broke from her in a low moaning that was
very sad to hear.
“Do not grieve so, dear,” said Ellen kindly.
“Let me grieve,” she answered, lifting her white face; “let
me grieve now and always. I know that Faith should give me comfort, but it
fails me. I have a right to grieve,” she went on passionately, “for
I love him. I do not care who knows it now: though I am nothing to him, I love
him, and if he dies it will break my heart.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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