_'Ousemaid._ "THEN GIVE HER MY CARD, PLEASE, AND SAY, I 'OPE SHE GOT HOME SAFELY FROM THE BALL."] [Illustration: _AN ALARMING MESSAGE._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MOTHER'S TOOK THE LOTION, AND RUBBED HER LEG WITH THE MIXTURE!"] [Illustration: _A MISTAKEN IMPRESSION._ _First Young Lady._ "OH, DEAR. HOW DULL THE OLD TOWN IS, NOW ALL THE OFFICERS ARE GONE ABROAD!" _Second ditto (a trifle older)._ "H'M--FOR MY PART, I'M VERY GLAD THEY'RE GONE, FOR THEY WERE ALWAYS FOLLOWING ONE ABOUT!"] [Illustration: _TOUCHING SIMPLICITY._ _Little Wife (eagerly opening the door for dear Edwin)._ "OH, SEE, DEAR, WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU--I'M SURE UNCLE HAS GOT YOU AN APPOINTMENT UNDER GOVERNMENT AT LAST--FOR HERE'S A LETTER MARKED IMMEDIATE, AND '_ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE!_'" [_Poor little soul! what does she know about Rates and Taxes?_] [Illustration: _AN AGED JUVENILE._ _Miss Flora Macfungus._ "I DARESAY YOU THINK ME A VERY ODD GIRL; AND, INDEED, MAMMA SAYS I'M A GIDDY, THOUGHTLESS CREATURE, AND"-- _Partner._ "OH, HERE'S A VACANT SEAT, I THINK."] [Illustration: _JUDICIOUS!_ "STAND ON MY HEAD, MARM, FOR A PENNY." "NO, LITTLE BOY--THERE IS A PENNY FOR KEEPING RIGHT END UPWARDS."] [Illustration: _GOOD REASONS._ _Railway Official._ "YOU'D BETTER NOT SMOKE, SIR!" _Traveller._ "THAT'S WHAT MY FRIENDS SAY." _Railway Official._ "BUT YOU _MUSN'T_ SMOKE, SIR!" _Traveller._ "SO MY DOCTOR TELLS ME." _Railway Official (indignantly)._ "BUT YOU _SHAN'T_ SMOKE, SIR!" _Traveller._ "AH! JUST WHAT MY WIFE SAYS."] [Illustration: _POULTRY FANCIES._ NAUGHTY LITTLE BOY A "COCHIN" IT FOR THROWING STONES AT THE FOWLS.] [Illustration: _INDISCRETION._ _Lydia._ "DON'T, HORACE.--LOOK AT OLD TOMKINS SITTING AT HIS WINDOW."] [Illustration: _QUITE A NOVELTY._ _Amiable Experimentalist._ "MAKES A DELICIOUS SIDE-DISH, DOESN'T IT? BUT IT IS NOT THE COMMON MUSHROOM; IT'S A LARGE FUNGUS CALLED THE AGARICUS PROCERUS. IT GROWS SOLITARY IN HEDGE-ROWS, IS CALLED COLUBRINUS, FROM THE SNAKE-LIKE MARKINGS ON ITS STEM. THE PILEUS IS COVERED WITH SCALES, WHICH ARE FORMED BY THE BREAKING-UP OF THE MUD-COLOURED EPIDERMIS. AND---- [_General panic takes place._] [Illustration: _CURIOUS MODE OF CONDUCTING A RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT._] [Illustration: _A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES._ _Old Gentleman._ "WHY, FREDERICK, WHAT A DISGRACEFUL STATE YOU'RE IN, SIR!--WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" _Frederick._ "COULDN'T--GET A SEAT--SO--I'VE BEEN--TO--TH'--CLUB."] [Illustration: _AQUATICS._ _Small Boy._ "NOW, THEN! ALL TOGETHER!"] [Illustration: _OVERTAKEN BY THE TIDE.--MARGATE._] [Illustration: _EFFECTS OF SALT WATER, AS OBSERVED AT THE REGATTA BALL._ _-- Weatherspoon, Esq. (of the Oriana, R.V.S.)._ "I SAY, TOM, WHAT'S THAT LITTLE CRAFT WITH THE BLACK VELVET FLYING AT THE FORE, CLOSE UNDER THE LEE-SCUPPERS OF THE MAN-OF-WAR?"