_Master of the House._ "H'M!--OH! TELL YOUR MISTRESS, WHEN SHE COMES IN, THAT I MAY POSSIBLY BE DETAINED IN THE CITY ON BUSINESS, AND SHE IS ON NO ACCOUNT TO WAIT DINNER FOR ME."] [Illustration: _THE SEA-SIDE HAT--A HINT TO MATERFAMILIAS._] [Illustration: _A FRESH MORNING._] [Illustration: _IMPUDENCE._ _Horse Guard._ "NOW, YOU BOY! YOU MUSN'T HANG ABOUT HERE." _Boy._ "OH! YES, MR. HANGABOUT. I SUPPOSE I MAY SET MY WATCH BY YOUR CLOCK, AS WELL AS ANY OTHER GENT."] [Illustration: _GORGEOUS SPECTACLE._ _Sarah Jane._ "OH, BETSY, COME 'ERE, AND BRING HISABELLER! WE CAN SEE THE 'OOFS OF THE 'ORSES!!"] [Illustration: _NATIVE POLITENESS._ _Boy (to be-witch-ing Old Lady of Fashion)._ "WAS YOU A LOOKING FOR A BROOM, MARM?"] [Illustration: "_YOUTH AT THE PROW, AND PLEASURE AT THE HELM._" "THE HAPPY PAIR THEN STARTED FOR THE CONTINENT, VIA FOLKESTONE, TO SPEND THE HONEYMOON."] [Illustration: _VERY ACCOMMODATING._ _Cabman._ "WANT A CAB, SIR? TAKE YER ANYVERE, ANY DISTANCE, ANY PRICE, AND WHEN YER PLEASE. TROT YER DOWN TO VITECHAPEL OR 'ACKNEY, OR SPIN YER ALONG LIKE ONE O'CLOCK TO HEGHAM, STAINES, OR WINDSOR."] [Illustration: _PROBABLE RESULT OF THE COCHIN CHINA FOWL MANIA._] [Illustration: _TOO POPULAR BY HALF._ _Boy (singing)._ "LOVER-LY LUCY NEAL, OH LOVER-LY LUCY NEAL, HIF I 'AD YOU BY MY SI-I-HIDE, 'OW 'APPY I SHOULD FEEL!"] [Illustration: _TASTE IN THE DRAWING-ROOM.--VILLIKINS AND HIS DINAH._ _Young Lady (who ought to know better)._ "NOW, WILLIAM, YOU ARE NOT LOW ENOUGH YET. BEGIN AGAIN AT 'HE TOOK THE COLD PIZEN.'"] [Illustration: _THE BATTLE OF THE PIANOS._] [Illustration: _FAMILIARITY._ "NOW, THEN, THOMAS, TELL YOUR OLD MAN TO PULL ON A PEG, AND LET ME GET UP TO MY PAWNBROKER'S!"] [Illustration: _APPROPRIATE._ _First Citizen._ "I SAY, BILL--I WONDER WHAT HE CALLS HISSELF?" _Second Ditto._ "BLOWED IF I KNOW!--BUT I CALLS HIM A BLOATED HARISTOCRAT."] [Illustration: _MIGHT VERSUS RIGHT._ _Navigator._ "WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?" _Policeman._ "WHY, I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE STATION HOUSE, IF YOU DON'T MOVE ON." _Navigator._ "_YOU_ TAKE ME TO THE STATION-HOUSE? TEN ON YOU MIGHT!"] [Illustration: _A HANSOM OFFER._ _Cabman (condescendingly)._ "HAMPSTEAD! LET'S SEE--THE FARE'S ABOUT NINE BOB, AS NEAR AS MAY BE; BUT, AS I WANT A DRIVE IN THE FRESH HAIR MYSELF, SUPPOSE WE SAY THREE 'ARF CROWNS?"] [Illustration: _POULTRY FANCIES.--THE PETS._ _Old Lady._ "WELL, HE _HAS_ GROWN; AND, REALLY, I THINK HE MIGHT LEAVE OFF THOSE FROCKS, AND HAVE A SUIT OF CLOTHES LIKE HIS BROTHERS."] [Illustration: _TRAVELLERS' REQUISITES._ _Railway Porter._ "ANY LUGGAGE, SIR?" _Traveller._ "YAS--CARPET-BAG AND CIGAR-CASE."] [Illustration: _MOST DISTRESSING._ POOR STUBBS!--JUST AS HE MEETS THOSE NICE GIRLS HE ADMIRED SO AT M.'S PARTY, AN ENORMOUS BLACK SETTLES ON HIS NOSE. HE LOSES ALL PRESENCE OF MIND.] [Illustration: _HOW TO FLATTER A GENT._ _Mr. Noses._ "GOT ANY OLD CLOTHES, SIR? (_whispers_) ANY LEFT-OFF UNIFORMS, CAPTAIN?"]