For the fraction of a second they shone and pulsed and quivered.
Something opened; something closed again. The enthralling sense of
beauty left my heart, the power sank away, the huge energy retired.
And, in a flash, all was normal once again; it was a cool October
afternoon upon the Pentland Hills, and a wind was blowing freshly from
the distant sea.
I was lying on the grass again exactly as before; Julius, watching me
keenly beneath the lids of his narrowed eyes, had just flung himself
down to keep me company....
“The barriers, you see, are thin,” he said quietly. “There really are
no barriers at all.”
This was the first sentence I heard, though his voice, it seemed, had
been speaking for some considerable time. I had closed my eyes--to
shut out a rising tide of wonderful and familiar pictures whose beauty
somehow I sought vigorously to deny. Yet there was this flare of vivid
memory: a penetrating odour of acrid herbs that burned in the clearing
of a sombre forest; a low stone altar, the droning of men’s voices
chanting monotonously as they drew near in robes of white and yellow
... and I seemed aware of some forgotten but exquisite ceremonial by
means of which natural forces were drawn upon to benefit the beings of
the worshippers....
“All is transmissible,” rose LeVallon’s voice out of the picture, “all
can be shared. That was the aim and meaning of our worship....”
I opened my eyes and looked at him. The expansion of my consciousness
had been a genuine thing; the power and joy both real; the worship
authentic. Now they had left me and the shrinkage caused me pain; there
was a poignant sense of loss. I felt afraid again.
“But it’s all gone,” I answered in a hushed tone, “and everything has
left me.” Reason began to argue and deny. I could scarcely retain the
memory of those big sensations which had offered a channel into an
extended world.
Julius searched my face with his patient, inward-gazing eyes.
“Your attitude prevented,” he replied after a moment’s hesitation; “it
became unsafe.”
“You brought it?” I faltered.
He nodded. “A human will,” he replied, “and a physical body--as
channel. Your resistance broke the rhythm and brought danger in.” And
after a pause he added significantly: “For the return--the animals
served well.” He smiled. “Ran down a steep place into the sea--almost.”
And, abruptly then, the modern world came back, as though what I
had just experienced had been but some pictured memory, thrust up,
withdrawn. I was aware that my fellow student at Edinburgh University,
LeVallon by name, lay beside me in the heather, his face charged with
peace and happiness ... that the dusk was falling, and that the air was
turning chilly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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