So it became thenceforth A problem with me how to separate My new conviction from my life--to hold A revolutionizing truth within, And hold it yet so loosely, it should be Like a dumb alien in a mural town-- No guest, but an intruder, who might bide, By law or grace, but win no domicile, And hold no power. When I returned, that night My course was chosen, with such sense of guilt I blushed before the calm, inquiring eyes That met me at my threshhold; but the theme Was dropped just there. My gentle mentor read The secret of the struggle and the sin, And left me to myself. At the set time, I entered on my task. The discipline Of early years told feebly on my work, For dissipation and disuse of power Had brought me back to infancy again. My will was weak, my patience was at fault, And in my fretful helplessness, I stormed And sighed by turns; yet still I held in force Determination, as reserve of will; And when I flinched or faltered, always fell Back upon that, and saved my powers from rout. Casting, recasting, till I found the germ Of my conception putting forth its whorls In orderly succession round the stem Of my design, that straight and strong shot up Toward inflorescence, my long work went on, Till I was filled with satisfying joy. This lasted for a little time, and then There came reaction. I grew tired of it. My verses were as meaningless and stale As doggrel of the stalls. I marvelled much That they could ever have beguiled my pride Into self-gratulation, or done aught But overwhelm me with contempt for them, And the dull pen that wrote them. I had hoped To form and finish my projected work Within, and by, myself,--to tease no ear With fragmentary snatches of my song, And call for no support from friendly praise To reinforce my courage; but the stress Of my disgust and my despair--the need, Imperative and absolute, to brace myself By some opinion borrowed for the nonce, And bathe my spirit in the sympathy Of some strong nature--mastered my intent, And sent me for resource to her whose heart Was ever open to my call.