Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Russia -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
I heard no more for the speakers seemed to turn the angle of the wall,
and their steps receded on the other side. They descended the broken
stairs, and in a few moments emerged from a side-door near us, showing
much surprise at the sight of us. I felt my cheeks flame when Marquis D.
approached me, and was confused and frightened at his offering me his
arm upon our leaving the castle. I could not refuse it, and following L.
M. who led the way with his friend, we went down towards the carriage. I
was indignant at what the Frenchman had said of me, though I could not
help secretly admitting that he had done nothing but put into language
what I myself had already felt, but the words of the marquis had
confounded and revolted me by their grossness. I was tortured by the
thought of having heard them, and at the same time I had suddenly lost
all fear of him. I was disgusted at feeling him so near me; without
looking at him, without answering him, trying, though I still had his
arm, to keep so far from him that I could not hear his whispers, I
walked on quickly, close behind L. M. and the Frenchman. The marquis was
talking about the lovely view, the unexpected delight of meeting me, and
I know not what besides, but I did not listen to him. The whole time I
was thinking about my husband, my son, Russia; divided feelings of shame
and pity took hold of me, and I was possessed by a desire to hurry home,
to shut myself up in my solitary room in the _Hôtel de Bade_, where I
might be free to reflect upon all that seemed so suddenly to have risen
up within my soul. But L. M. was walking rather slowly, the carriage was
still some distance away, and it seemed to me that my escort was
obstinately slackening our pace, as if he meant to be left alone with
me. "That shall not be!" I said to myself, quickening my steps. But he
undisguisedly kept me back, holding my arm with a close pressure; at
this moment L. M. turned a corner of the road, and we were left alone.
I was seized with alarm.
"Excuse me," said I coldly, drawing my arm out of his, but the lace
caught on one of his buttons. He stooped towards me to disengage it, and
his ungloved fingers rested on my arm. A new sensation--not fright,
certainly not pleasure--sent a chill shiver through me. I looked up at
him, meaning my glance to express all the cold contempt I felt for him;
but instead of this, he seemed to read in it only agitation and alarm.
His ardent, humid eyes were fixed passionately upon me, his hands
grasped my wrists, his half-open lips were murmuring to me, telling me
that he loved me, that I was everything to him, his hold upon me growing
stronger and closer with every word. I felt fire in my veins, my vision
was obscured, I trembled from head to foot, and the words I tried to
utter died away in my throat. Suddenly I felt a kiss upon my cheek; I
shivered, and looked into his face again, powerless to speak or stir,
expecting and wishing I knew not what.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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