To be sure, she found it a trifle less thrilling than on the day
before, for the novelty was gone; but that fact did not cause her
much worry. In all her anticipations of the pleasure before her, it
had occurred to her as little as it occurs to others in her
situation to investigate the laws of the senses through which the
pleasure is to be obtained. There is a whole moral philosophy to be
extracted from the little word “ennui” by those who know; but Helen
was not of the knowing. She believed that when she was tired of the
horses she could delight herself with her beautiful house, and that
when she was tired of the house she could have a new one. All her
life she had been deriving ecstasy from beautiful things, from
dresses, and flowers, and books, and music, and pictures; and of
course it was only necessary to have an infinite quantity of such
things in order to be infinitely happy. The way to have the infinite
quantity was to marry Mr. Harrison, or at any rate that was Helen's
view, and she was becoming more and more irritated because it did
not work well in practice, and more and more convinced that her aunt
must be right in blaming her weakness.
In the meantime, being in the open air and among all the things that
she loved, she was bound to rejoice once more; and rejoice she did,
not even allowing herself to be hindered by Mr. Harrison's too
obvious failures to comprehend her best remarks. Helen argued that
she was not engaged to the man because of his cleverness, and that
when she had come to the infinite happiness towards which she was
traveling so fast, she would have inspiration enough for two. She
had enough for the present to keep them both happy throughout the
drive, and when she returned she found that some of the neighbors
had driven over to see her, and to increase her excitement by their
congratulations. The Machiavellian Aunt Polly had told the news to
several friends on the day before, knowing full well that it would
spread during the night, and that Helen would have her first taste
of triumph the next day.
And so it continued, and exactly as on the night before, the
feverish excitement swept Helen on until the bedtime hour arrived.
Then she went up into her room alone, to wrestle with the same
dreadful specter as before.
The story of that day was the story of all that followed; Helen was
destined to find that she might sweep herself away upon the wings of
her ambition as often as she chose, and revel all she pleased in the
thought of Mr. Harrison's wealth; but when the excitement was over,
and she came to be all alone, she could think only of the one
dreadful fact of the necessity of marrying him. She was paying a
Faustus price for her happiness; and in the night time the price
stared at her, and turned all her happiness to misery.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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