British -- China -- Fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Fantasy fiction
Late at night, when the moon was up and Ruby and the rest of the
household were asleep, Lychnis crept from the curtains of her black,
roomy bed, and stole out on the verandah. Ambrose perceived her,
standing in the moon like a pink crêpe-de-Chine ghost with a white
core, her feet together and her hands behind her head, in a lovely,
dart-like attitude, as if she were balancing for a flight into the
scented, dark heart of the foliage. Waiting a moment to observe
accurately the excellent shape of her head, with the hair drawn in to
the neck, and to commit to memory certain curves of her bust, which
slightly lifted the front of her glimmering shift and purified the
soul like a vision of the Grail, he stirred. She turned, smiled, and
vanished, returning again with a wrap like a mist about the moon. They
sat side by side.
“It is hot, is it not?” she asked.
“I was composing my account of the day,” he answered. “I want your
impressions.”
“Do you record impressions of all of us?” she inquired.
“Most of you, from time to time, tell me things that are of interest.”
“Of interest! You have interests, of course. One forgets that.”
“Oh yes, I have interests. To record with accuracy the essentials of an
episode—that is one of them.”
“What an interest! Really, an interest is not very interesting—not so
interesting as a passion. You have no passions?”
“They only cloud the vision of clear-eyed desire,” he answered—“in
fact, they actually prevent attainment.”
“I’m afraid I’ve got a passion,” she observed—“a sort of general,
unattached passion. If it suddenly fastened on someone the results
might be frightful.”
“Abeyance it, and give me to-day’s impressions.”
“Oh, impressions! Well, in the first place, it’s hot. Then—I don’t
quite know what impressions I have. I mean, they may come from inside
me. Can one make impressions on oneself?”
“Let’s hear.”
“Well, I have the idea that life may have some point, after all—that
there may be a moment when you can say, Now one has really flowered
into a moment of existence between nothing and nothing. I desire to
exist, to be—not merely to remain a vague thing, an I, that cannot
possess a single experience. One is only the beginning of a being, the
material for one.”
“True. But you think you may be about to begin to exist. What are the
symptoms?”
“I don’t quite know. How shall I put it?” She considered the question
in silence. Then: “Would you say there was something unusually splendid
and beautiful about the night?”
“Perhaps there is, now you mention it.”
“Do you happen to notice anything more than ordinarily intoxicating in
the scent of the trees?”
He sniffed. “Perhaps, now you point it out.”
“Have you by any chance a sort of feeling that out there in the
darkness, in a halo of extreme darkness, there might be some unseen
experience that would complete you?”
“Um! I recognize the state of mind you describe as one which is
familiar to human beings.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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