And so to prevent Cosette from eating black bread Jean Valjean ate
white. Cosette remembered her childhood but confusedly, and she
prayed night and morning for the mother whom she had never known. The
Thénardiers were like two hideous beings seen in a dream, and she
merely remembered that she had gone "one day at night" to fetch water
in a wood,--she thought that it was a long distance from Paris. It
seemed to her as if she had commenced life in an abyss, and that Jean
Valjean had drawn her out of it, and her childhood produced on her the
effect of a time when she had had nought but centipedes, spiders, and
snakes around her. When she thought at night before she fell asleep,
as she had no very clear idea of being Jean Valjean's daughter, she
imagined that her mother's soul had passed into this good man, and
had come to dwell near her. When he was sitting down she rested her
cheek on his white hair, and silently dropped a tear, while saying to
herself, "Perhaps this man is my mother!" Cosette, strange though it
is to say, in her profound ignorance as a girl educated in a convent,
and as, too, maternity is absolutely unintelligible to virginity,
eventually imagined that she had had as little of a mother as was
possible. This mother's name she did not know, and whenever it happened
that she spoke to Jean Valjean on the subject he held his tongue. If
she repeated her question he answered by a smile, and once, when she
pressed him, the smile terminated in a tear. This silence on his part
cast a night over Fantine. Was it through prudence? Was it through
respect? Or was it through a fear of intrusting this name to the
chances of another memory besides his own?
So long as Cosette was young Jean Valjean readily talked to her about
her mother; but when she grew up it was impossible for him to do
so,--he felt as if he dared not do it. Was it on account of Cosette
or of Fantine? He felt a species of religious horror at making this
shadow enter Cosette's thoughts, and rendering a dead woman a third
person in their society. The more sacred this shade was to him, the
more formidable was it. He thought of Fantine, and felt himself
overwhelmed by the silence. He saw vaguely in the darkness something
that resembled a finger laid on a lip. Had all the modesty which was in
Fantine, and which during her life quitted her with violence, returned
after her death, to watch indignantly over the dead woman's peace, and
sternly guard her in the tomb? Was Jean Valjean himself unconsciously
oppressed by it? We who believe in death are not prepared to reject
this mysterious explanation, and hence arose the impossibility of
pronouncing, even to Cosette, the name of Fantine. One day Cosette said
to him,--
"Father, I saw my mother last night in a dream. She had two large
wings, and in life she must have been a sainted woman."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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