Love, Life & Work: Being a Book of Opinions Reasonably Good-Natured Concerning How to Attain the Highest Happiness for One's Self with the Least Possible Harm to OthersHubbard, Elbert
Religion
Love, Life & Work: Being a Book of Opinions Reasonably Good-Natured Concerning How to Attain the Highest Happiness for One's Self with the Least Possible Harm to Others
Hubbard, Elbert
Conduct of life; Happiness
A sturdy beggar-man, a specimen of decayed gentility, once called on
Tammas with a hard-luck story and a Family Bible, and asked for a small
loan on the Good Book.
To be compelled to soak the Family Bible would surely melt the heart of
gneiss!
Tom was melted.
Tom made the loan but refused the collateral, stating he had no use for
it.
Which was God's truth for once.
In a few weeks the man came back, and tried to tell Tom his hard-luck
story concerning the Cold Ingratitude of a Cruel World.
Tom said, "Spare me the slow music and the recital--I have troubles of
my own. I need mirth and good cheer--take this dollar, and peace be
with you."
"Peace be multiplied unto thee," said the beggar, and departed. The
next month the man returned, and began to tell Tom a tale of Cruelty,
Injustice and Ingratitude.
Tom was riled--he had his magnate business to attend to, and he made a
remark in italics. The beggar said, "Mr. Lowry, if you had your business
a little better systematized, I would not have to trouble you
personally--why don't you just speak to your cashier?" And the great
man, who once took a party of friends out for a tally-ho ride, and
through mental habit collected five cents from each guest, was so
pleased at the thought of relief that he pressed the buzzer. The cashier
came, and Tom said, "Put this man Grabheimer on your pay-roll, give him
two dollars now and the same the first of every month."
Then turning to the beggar-man, Tom said, "Now get out of here--hurry,
vamose, hike--and be damned to you!"
"The same to you and many of them," said His Effluvia politely, and
withdrew.
All this happened two years ago. The beggar got his money regularly for
a year, and then in auditing accounts Tom found the name on the
pay-roll, and as Tom could not remember how the name got there, he at
first thought the pay-roll was being stuffed. Anyway he ordered the
beggar's name stricken off the roster, and the elevator man was
instructed to enforce the edict against beggars.
Not being allowed to see his man, the beggar wrote him
letters--denunciatory, scandalous, abusive, threatening. Finally the
beggar laid the matter before an obese limb o' the Law, Jaggers, of the
firm of Jaggers & Jaggers, who took the case on a contingent fee.
The case came to trial, and Jaggers proved his case se
offendendo--argal: it was shown by the defendant's books that His
Bacteria had been on the pay-roll and his name had been stricken off
without suggestion, request, cause, reason or fault of his own.
His Crabship proved the contract, and Tom got it in the mazzard.
Judgment for plaintiff, with costs. The beggar got the money and
Minneapolis Tom got the experience. Tom said the man would lose the
money, but he himself has gotten the part that will be his for
ninety-nine years. Surely the spirit of justice does not sleep and there
is a beneficent and wise Providence that watches over magnates.
Work and Waste
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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