When the good landlady entered the room, a few minutes afterwards, she
was dismayed to find the door ajar, and not closed, as she had imagined.
This caused her to turn very red. But Doris did not refer to what she
had overheard, for in truth she did not know what to say. Later she
might refund Mrs. Sam her money, and have that off her conscience; but
what about all the other people who had purchased her pictures? She
felt sick at heart, and quite unable to do her work as usual. However,
it had to be done, and she went upstairs slowly and heavily. "What
shall I do?" she thought. "I cannot earn my living unless I do it in
this way, which is not honest--I see that now; at first I thought it
was, but I know Alice’s brother is quite right. I’m a cheat and a
fraud, a humbug and a thief; for I take money out of people’s pockets,
and make them no adequate return for it, although I make them think I
do."
And then Bernard called. He was dressed in his worn clothes, and looked
tired and harassed, but "every inch a gentleman," as Mrs. Austin said
when she gave his name to Doris, asking if she would come downstairs to
see him.
At first Doris thought she ought to send word that she was engaged. But
she could not do it. She was so miserable and so hopeless; and the very
thought of Bernard’s presence there in the house caused hope and joy to
spring up in her heart, and was like new life to her. She, therefore,
took off her painting-apron, washed her hands, and went down to the
sitting-room.
"Doris"--Bernard spoke very quietly, holding out his hand exactly as any
other visitor might have done--"Doris, I have called to see you. It is
very kind of you to come down. I--I will not detain you long."
"It is kind of you to call," said Doris, rather lamely, noticing all at
once how thin and worn he looked, "and I haven’t much time to spare, but
I could not--could not refuse." Her voice trembled and broke; tears
filled her eyes. It was hard, very hard to have to speak thus to one
she still loved dearly.
"Oh, Doris," he cried, hope springing up in his heart by leaps and
bounds at the sight of her downcast face, "Doris, darling, I cannot bear
to see you looking so sad, and to know that you are alone here except
for your friend----"
"She has left me!" interrupted Doris, crying now. "I am quite alone."
"Left you! You are alone! Oh, my darling!" He put his arms round her
slim waist. "You are not alone! You need never be alone again, for _I_
am here. Nay, don’t send me away, dearest," he pleaded; "hear me, I
beg. I love you, Doris. I love you with all my heart. The loss of my
money--ah! forgive my mentioning it--it is as nothing to the grief of
losing you. Ah, you don’t know what I have suffered! Without you this
world is to me a howling wilderness." He drew her to him. "Darling,"
he continued, low in her ear, "_never_ send me away again."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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