Marriage, As It Was, As It Is, and As It Should Be: A Plea for ReformBesant, Annie
Philosophy
Marriage, As It Was, As It Is, and As It Should Be: A Plea for Reform
Besant, Annie
Marriage -- Great Britain; Marriage law -- Great Britain
society, who, whilst united, were miserable, and rendered misanthropical
by misery. The conviction that wedlock is indissoluble, holds out the
strongest of all temptations to the perverse; they indulge without
restraint in acrimony, and all the little tyrannies of domestic life,
when they know that their victim is without appeal. If this conviction
were put on a rational basis, each would be assured that habitual
ill-temper would terminate in separation, and would check this vicious
and dangerous propensity" (Notes on "Queen Mab"). To those who had
thought over the subject carefully, it was no surprise to hear
Mr. Moncure Conway say--in a debate on marriage at the Dialectical
Society--that in Illinois, U.S.A., where there is great facility of
divorce, the marriages were exceptionally happy. The reason was not far
to seek.
Dealing elsewhere with this same injurious effect of overcertainty on
the relations of married people to each other, Mr. Moncure Conway writes
as follows:--"In England we smilingly walk our halls of Eblis, covering
the fatal wound; but our neighbours across the Channel are frank. Their
moralists cannot blot out the proverb that 'Marriage is the suicide of
love.' Is it any truer here than there that, as a general thing, the
courtesies of the courtship survive in the marriage? 'Who is that domino
walking with George?' asks Grisette No. 1, as, reported by _Charivari_.
'Why,' returns Grisette No. 2, 'do you not walk behind them, and listen
to what they say?' 'I have done so, and they do not say a word.' 'Ah,
it is his wife.' But what might be George's feeling if he knew his
wife might leave him some morning? 'If conserve of roses be frequently
eaten.' they say in Persia, 'it will produce a surfeit.' The thousands
of husbands and wives yawning in each other's faces at this moment need
not go so far for their proverb. If it be well, as it seems to me to be,
that this most intimate relation between man and woman should be made as
durable as the object for which it is formed will admit, surely the bond
should be real to the last, a bond of kindliness, thoughtfulness, actual
helpfulness. So long as the strength of the bond lies simply in the
disagreeable concomitants of breaking it, so long as it is protected
by the very iron hardness which makes it gall and oppress, what need
is there of the reinforcement of it by the cultivation of minds, the
preservation of good temper, and considerate behaviour? Love is not
quite willing to accept the judge's mace for his arrow. When the law no
longer supplies husband or wife with a cage, each must look to find and
make available what resources he or she has for holding what has been
won. We may then look for sober second thoughts both before and after
marriage. Love, from so long having bandaged eyes, will be all eye.
Every real attraction will be stimulated when all depends upon real
attraction. When the conserve becomes fatiguing, it will be refreshed
by a new flavour, not by a certificate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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