Marriage, As It Was, As It Is, and As It Should Be: A Plea for ReformBesant, Annie
Philosophy
Marriage, As It Was, As It Is, and As It Should Be: A Plea for Reform
Besant, Annie
Marriage -- Great Britain; Marriage law -- Great Britain
the most rudimentary sense of decency, can bring such a suit, and, after
having succeeded, can enforce the decision. We may hope that, as sexual
morality becomes more generally recognised, it will be seen that the
essence of prostitution lies in the union of the sexes without mutual
love; when a woman marries for rank, for title, for wealth, she sells
herself as veritably as her poorer and more unfortunate sister; love
alone makes the true marriage, love which is loyal to the beloved, and
is swayed by no baser motive than passionate devotion to its object.
When no such love exists the union which is marriage by law is nothing
higher than legalised prostitution: the enforcement on an unwilling
man or woman of conjugal rights is something even still lower, it is
legalised rape.
It may be hoped that when divorce is more easily obtainable, the
majority of marriages will be far happier than they are now. Half
the unhappiness of married life arises from the too great feeling of
security which grows out of the indissoluble character of the tie. The
husband is very different from the lover; the wife from the betrothed;
the ready attention, the desire to please, the eager courtesy, which
characterised the lover disappear when possession has become certain;
the daintiness, the gaiety, the attractiveness which marked the
betrothed, are no longer to be seen in the wife whose position is
secure; in society a lover may be known by his attention to his
betrothed, a husband by his indifference to his wife. If divorce were
the result of jarring at home, married life would very rapidly change;
hard words, harshness, petulance, would be checked where those who had
won the love desired to keep it, and attractiveness would no longer be
dropped on the threshold of the home. Here, too, Shelley's words are
well worth weighing: "The present system of restraint does no more, in
the majority of instances, than make hypocrites or open enemies. Persons
of delicacy and virtue, unhappily united to those whom they find
it impossible to love, spend the loveliest season of their life in
unproductive efforts to appear otherwise than they are, for the sake of
the feelings of their partner, or the welfare of their mutual
offspring; those of less generosity and refinement openly avow their
disappointment, and linger out the remnant of that union, which only
death can dissolve, in a state of incurable bickering and hostility. The
early education of the children takes its colour from the squabbles
of the parents; they are nursed in a systematic school of ill-humour,
violence and falsehood. Had they been suffered to part at the moment
when indifference rendered their union irksome, they would have been
spared many years of misery: they would have connected themselves more
suitably, and would have found that happiness in the society of more
congenial partners which is for ever denied them by the despotism of
marriage. They would have been separately useful and happy members of
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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