Memories of My Life: Being My Personal, Professional, and Social Recollections as Woman and ArtistBernhardt, Sarah
General
Memories of My Life: Being My Personal, Professional, and Social Recollections as Woman and Artist
Bernhardt, Sarah
Actors -- Biography; Bernhardt, Sarah, 1844-1923; Women -- Biography
M. Meydieu muttered something, I did not catch what. The abominable
notary made a very curt bow to Mme. Guérard. The Duc de Morny was very
gracious, for the newcomer was so pretty. My godfather merely bent his
head, as Mme. Guérard was nothing to him. Aunt Rosine glanced at her
from head to foot. Mlle. De Brabender shook hands cordially with her,
for Mme. Guérard was fond of me. My uncle, Félix Faure, gave her a
chair, and asked her to sit down, and then inquired in a kindly way
about her husband, a savant, with whom my uncle collaborated sometimes
for his book, “The Life of St. Louis.”
Mamma had merely glanced across the room without raising her head, for
Mme. Guérard did not prefer my sister to me.
“Well, as we have come here on account of this child,” said my
godfather, “we must begin and discuss what is to be done with her.”
I began to tremble and drew closer to Mlle. De Brabender, and to “_ma
petite dame_,” as I had always called Mme. Guérard from my infancy. They
each took my hand by way of encouraging me.
“Yes,” continued M. Meydieu, with a laugh, “it appears you want to be a
nun.”
“Ah, indeed?” said the Duc de Morny to Aunt Rosine.
“Sh....” she retorted with a laugh. Mamma sighed and held her wools up
close to her eyes to match them.
“You have to be rich, though, to enter a convent,” grunted the Hâvre
notary, “and you have not a sou.”
I leaned toward Mlle. De Brabender, and whispered: “I have the money
that papa left.”
The horrid man overheard.
“Your father left some money to get you married,” he said.
“Well, then, I’ll marry the _Bon Dieu_,” I answered, and my voice was
quite resolute now. I turned very red, and for the second time in my
life I felt a desire and a strong inclination to fight for myself. I had
no more fear, as everyone had gone too far and provoked me too much. I
slipped away from my two kind friends, and advanced toward the other
group.
“I will be a nun, I will!” I exclaimed. “I know that papa left me some
money so that I should be married, and I know that the nuns marry the
Saviour. Mamma says she does not care; it is all the same to her, so
that it won’t be vexing her at all, and they love me better at the
convent than you do here!”
“My dear child,” said my uncle, drawing me toward him, “your religious
vocation appears to me to be more a wish to love.”
“And to be loved,” murmured Mme. Guérard, in a very low voice.
Everyone glanced at mamma, who shrugged her shoulders slightly. It
seemed to me as though the glance they all gave her was a reproachful
one, and I felt a pang of remorse at once. I went across to her, and
throwing my arms round her neck said:
“You don’t mind my being a nun, do you? It won’t make you unhappy, will
it?”
Mamma stroked my hair, of which she was very proud.
“Yes, it would make me unhappy. You know very well that after your
sister, I love you better than anyone else in the world.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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