Adams, Nick (Fictitious character) -- Fiction; American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American
William Campbell had hoped to hold a slight lead over the burlesque show
until they reached the Pacific coast. As long as he preceded the
burlesque show as advance man he was being paid. When the burlesque show
caught up with him he was in bed. He was in bed when the manager of the
burlesque troupe came into his room and after the manager had gone out
he decided that he might as well stay in bed. It was very cold in Kansas
City and he was in no hurry to go out. He did not like Kansas City. He
reached under the bed for a bottle and drank. It made his stomach feel
better. Mr. Turner, the manager of the burlesque show, had refused a
drink.
William Campbell’s interview with Mr. Turner had been a little strange.
Mr. Turner had knocked on the door. Campbell had said: “Come in!” When
Mr. Turner came into the room he saw clothing on a chair, an open
suitcase, the bottle on a chair beside the bed, and some one lying in
the bed completely covered by the bed-clothes.
“Mister Campbell,” Mr. Turner said.
“You can’t fire me,” William Campbell said from underneath the covers.
It was warm and white and close under the covers. “You can’t fire me
because I’ve got down off my bicycle.”
“You’re drunk,” Mr. Turner said.
“Oh, yes,” William Campbell said, speaking directly against the sheet
and feeling the texture with his lips.
“You’re a fool,” Mr. Turner said. He turned off the electric light. The
electric light had been burning all night. It was now ten o’clock in the
morning. “You’re a drunken fool. When did you get into this town?”
“I got into this town last night,” William Campbell said, speaking
against the sheet. He found he liked to talk through a sheet. “Did you
ever talk through a sheet?”
“Don’t try to be funny. You aren’t funny.”
“I’m not being funny. I’m just talking through a sheet.”
“You’re talking through a sheet all right.”
“You can go now, Mr. Turner,” Campbell said. “I don’t work for you any
more.”
“You know that anyway.”
“I know a lot,” William Campbell said. He pulled down the sheet and
looked at Mr. Turner. “I know enough so I don’t mind looking at you at
all. Do you want to hear what I know?”
“No.”
“Good,” said William Campbell. “Because really I don’t know anything at
all. I was just talking.” He pulled the sheet up over his face again. “I
love it under a sheet,” he said. Mr. Turner stood beside the bed. He was
a middle-aged man with a large stomach and a bald head and he had many
things to do. “You ought to stop off here, Billy, and take a cure,” he
said. “I’ll fix it up if you want to do it.”
“I don’t want to take a cure,” William Campbell said. “I don’t want to
take a cure at all. I am perfectly happy. All my life I have been
perfectly happy.”
“How long have you been this way?”
“What a question!” William Campbell breathed in and out through the
sheet.
“How long have you been stewed, Billy?”
“Haven’t I done my work?”
“Sure. I just asked you how long you’ve been stewed, Billy.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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