This postcard disturbed Kendal not a little, and he felt irritably that
somebody had mismanaged matters. He had supposed, and indeed suggested,
that Miss Bretherton should enclose his note in one of her own to his
sister's Paris address, giving, at the same time, some indication of a
place of meeting in Venice. But if she had not done this, it was very
possible that the two women might miss each other after all. Sometimes,
when he had been contemplating this possibility with disgust, he would
with a great effort make himself reflect why it was that he cared about
the matter so disproportionately. Why was he so deeply interested in
Isabel Bretherton's movements abroad, and in the meeting which would
bring her, so to speak, once more into his own world? Why! because it was
impossible, he would answer himself indignantly, not to feel a profound
interest in any woman who had ever shared as much emotion with you as she
had with him in those moments at Nuneham, who had received a wound at
your hands, had winced under it, and still had remained gracious, and
kind, and womanly! 'I should be a hard-hearted brute,' he said to
himself, 'if I did not feel a very deep and peculiar interest in her--if
I did not desire that Marie's friendship should abundantly make up to her
for my blundering!'
Did he ever really deceive himself into imagining that this was all? It
is difficult to say. The mind of a man no longer young, and trained in
all the subtleties of thought, does not deal with an invading sentiment
exactly as a youth would do with all his experience to come. It steals
upon him more slowly, he is capable of disguising it to himself longer,
of escaping from it into other interests. Passion is in its ultimate
essence the same, wherever it appears and under whatever conditions, but
it possesses itself of human life in different ways. Slowly, and
certainly, the old primeval fire, the commonest, fatalest, divinest force
of life, was making its way into Kendal's nature. But it was making its
way against antagonistic forces of habit, tradition, self-restraint,--it
found a hundred other interests in possession;--it had a strange
impersonality and timidity of nature to fight with. Kendal had been
accustomed to live in other men's lives. Was he only just beginning to
live his own?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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