[Illustration: _Malicious Swell in the stern sheets_ (_to little party on the weather quarter_). "Splendid breeze, isn't it, Gus?" _Gus_ (_who, you see, has let his cigar go out_). "Ye-es; but I say, what's o'clock? Isn't it time to turn back?--What d'ye think?"] * * * * * FLITTINGS (_Per Ocean Bottle-post_) _In the South Atlantic, Three miles off Land (perpendicularly). Six Bells, Feb. 27, 1898._ DEAR MR. PUNCH,--Yeo-ho and ahoy! If this ever reaches you, it is to tell you that the very good ship _Triton_ (this is within a cable's length of her name) has been at sea for just a fortnight, bound for the Cape on her second trip. She bears on board about a thousand souls all told, five horses, a couple of cows, two or three parrots, of third-class behaviour, and a few canaries, which have not as yet taken berths inside the ship's cat. We left Southampton on an even keel, but there were plenty of French rolls for breakfast next morning in the Bay of Biscay, so we were ægrotat (_sic_) for the rest of the day in such seclusion as our cabin granted. The next event of importance was Madeira. Here we had about four hours in which to watch the natives (one of them a one-armed boy) diving for our spare coppers, to breakfast on shore, to do the sights of Funchal, to buy deck-chairs, if not whole drawing-room suites, of wickerwork, to visit Santa Clara and the other suburban resorts, and, most necessary of all, to ascend by the new mountain railway to the church of Nossa Senhora de Monte, and then to descend two thousand feet by _carro_, or toboggan over the cobble-stone pathway. It was a lot to do, but we did it on our heads--especially the last-named athletic performance. Our steersman, Manuel, certainly deserved his pint of Madeira at the "Half-way House" for his agility and dexterity in taking us down a decline of one in two, past corkscrew corners, and hordes of beggars. English money seems to be quite the medium of currency at Funchal, and English is spoken by the enterprising islanders while you wait (or until your last shilling is spent). Even a tea-garden sort of place is dignified by the name of "Earl's Court," to attract and solace the homesick Londoner. Meanwhile, it was market-day on board the ship, and great was the company of merchants with all kinds of wares. These are bundled off neck and crop by 11 A.M., and we settled down to the serious business of the voyage--the election of a Sports and Entertainment Committee, the consumption of six meals a day, the daily sweepstakes and auction on the run, the dissection of everybody's character, and the other inevitable humours and incidents of an ocean trip.