Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas: Collected, Improved and Re-arranged from PunchAnstey, F.
General
Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas: Collected, Improved and Re-arranged from Punch
Anstey, F.
Humorous songs -- England -- Texts; Musicals -- Librettos -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Revues -- Librettos -- Parodies, imitations, etc.
[_Exit_ WILLIAM (L. 2 E.), _while THOMAS proceeds to scale the
wall and climb the boughs of the nearest pear-tree.
Melodramatic Music._ The Monster Man-trap _stealthily emerges
from long grass below, and fixes a baleful eye on the
unconscious_ THOMAS.
_Thos._ I’ll fill my pockets, and on pears I’ll feast!
[_Sees_ Man-trap, _and staggers._
Oh, lor--whatever is that hugly beast!
Hi, help, here! call him off!...
_The Monster._ ’Tis vain to holler--
My horders are--all trespassers to swoller!
You just come down--I’m waiting ’ere to ketch you.
(_Indignantly._) You _don’t_ expect I’m coming up to fetch you!
_Thos._ (_politely._) Oh, not if it would inconvenience _you_, Sir!
(_In agonised aside._) I feel my grip grow every moment looser!
[_The_ Monster, _in a slow, uncouth manner, proceeds to
scramble up the tree._
Oh, here’s a go! The horrid thing can _climb_!
Too late I do repent me of my crime!
[_Terrific sensation chase!_ The Monster Man-trap _leaps from
bough to bough with horrible agility, and eventually secures
his prey, and leaps with it to the ground._
_Thos._ (_in the_ Monster’s _jaws_). I’m sure you seem a kind,
good-natured creature--
You will not harm me?
_Monster._ No--I’ll only eat yer!
[THOMAS _slowly vanishes down its cavernous jaws; faint yells
are heard at intervals--then nothing but a dull champing sound;
after which, dead silence. The_ Monster _smiles, with an air of
repletion._
_Re-enter_ WILLIAM, _from_ R., _with_ BENJAMIN.
_Benjamin._ I’m very glad you came--but where is Thomas?
_Wm._ (_severely_). Tom is a wicked boy, and better from us,
For on the road he stopped to scale a wall!...
[_Sees_ Man-trap, _and starts._
What’s _that_?
_Benj._ It will not hurt _good_ boys at all--
It’s only Father’s Man-trap--why so pale?
_Wm._ The self-same tree! ... the wall that Tom _would_ scale!
Where’s Thomas _now_? Ah, Tom, the wilful pride of you.
[_The_ Man-trap _affects an elaborate unconsciousness._
[Illustration: Up a Tree!]
_Benj._ (_with sudden enlightenment_). Man-trap, I do believe
poor Tom’s inside of you!
That sort of smile’s exceedingly suspicious.
[_The_ Man-trap _endeavours to hide in the grass._
_Wm._ Ah, Monster, give him back--’tis true he’s vicious,
And had no business to go making free with you!
But think, so bad a boy will disagree with you!
[WILLIAM _and_ BENJAMIN _kneel in attitudes of entreaty on
either side of the_ Man-trap, _which shows signs of increasing
emotion as the song proceeds._
_Benjamin_ (_sings_).
Man-trap, bitter our distress is
That you have unkindly penned
In your innermost recesses
One who used to be our friend!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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