_William_ (_a Good Boy_) Mr. HARRY NICHOLLS. _Thomas_ (_a Bad Boy_) Mr. HERBERT CAMPBELL. (_Who have kindly offered their services._) _Benjamin_ (_neither one thing nor the other_) Mr. SAMUEL SUPER. _The Monster Man-Trap_ Mr. GEORGE CONQUEST. SCENE.--_An elaborate set, representing, on extreme left, a portion of the high road, and wall dividing it from an orchard; realistic apple- and pear-trees laden with fruit. Time, about four o’clock on a hot afternoon. Enter_ WILLIAM _and_ THOMAS, _hand-in-hand, along road; they ignore the dividing wall, and advance to front of stage._ _Duet._--WILLIAM _and_ THOMAS. _Wm._ I’m a reg’lar model boy, I am; so please make no mistake. It’s Thomas who’s the bad ’un--_I’m_ the good! _Thos._ Yes, I delight in naughtiness for naughtiness’s sake, And I wouldn’t be like William if I could! _Chorus._ _Wm._ Ever since I could toddle, my conduct’s been model, There’s, oh, such a difference between me and him! _Thos._ While still in the cradle, I orders obeyed ill, And now I’ve grown into a awful young limb! { he’s } _Together._ Yes, now { I’ve } grown into a awful young limb. I’ve made up my mind not to imitate _him_! [_Here they dance._ _Second Verse._ _Wm._ If someone hits him in the eye, he always hits them back! When _I_ am struck, my Ma I merely tell! On passing fat pigs in a lane, he’ll give ’em each a whack! _Thos._ (_impenitently_). And jolly fun it is to hear ’em yell! [_Chorus._ _Third Verse._ _Wm._ He’s always cribbing coppers--which he spends on lollipops. _Thos._ (A share of which _you_’ve never yet refused!) _Wm._ A stone he’ll shy at frogs and toads, and anything that hops! _Thos._ (While you look on, and seem to be amused!) [_Chorus._ _Fourth Verse._ _Wm._ As soon as school is over, Thomas goes a hunting squirr’ls, Or butterflies he’ll capture in his hat! _Thos._ _You_ play at Kissing in the Ring with all the little girls! _Wm._ (_demurely_). Well, Thomas, I can see no harm in _that_! [_Chorus._ _Fifth Verse._ _Wm._ Ah, Thomas, if you don’t reform, you’ll come to some bad end! _Thos._ Oh, William, put your head inside a bag! _Wm._ No, Thomas, that I cannot--till you promise to amend! _Thos._ Why, William, what a chap you are to nag! [_Chorus and dance._ THOMAS _returns to road, and regards the apple-trees longingly over top of wall._ _Thos._ Hi, William, look ... what apples! there--don’t _you_ see? And pears--my eye! just _ain’t_ they looking juicy! _Wm._ Nay, Thomas, since you’re bent upon a sin, _I_ will walk on, and visit Benjamin!