Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas: Collected, Improved and Re-arranged from PunchAnstey, F.
General
Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas: Collected, Improved and Re-arranged from Punch
Anstey, F.
Humorous songs -- England -- Texts; Musicals -- Librettos -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Revues -- Librettos -- Parodies, imitations, etc.
_Lady B._ (_in agony_). Ah, no, Monkshood, good, faithful Monkshood,
she must never know that! Think, Monkshood, you would not tell her that
the Grandmother to whom she looks up with such touching, childlike
love, was a--_homicide_--you would not do that?
_Monks._ Some would say even ’omicide was not too black a name for
all you’ve done. (Lady BELLEDAME _shudders_.) I might tell Miss Elfie
how you’ve blowed up a live Baronet, corrosive sublimated a gentle
Lady, honly for ’aving, in a moment of candour, called you a hold cat,
and distributed pison in a variety of forms about this smiling village;
and, if that don’t inspire her with distrust, I don’t know the nature
of children, that’s all! I might tell her, I say, and, if I’m to keep
my mouth shut, I shall expect it to be considered in my wages.
_Lady B._ I knew you had a good heart! I will pay you
anything--anything, provided you shield my guilt from her ... wait, you
shall have gold, gold, Monkshood, gold!
[_Chord. Little_ ELFIE _suddenly comes from behind screen;
limelight on her. The other two shrink back._
_Elfie._ Do not give that bad old man money, Grandmother, for it will
only be wasted.
_Lady B._ Speak, child!--how much do you know?
_Elfie._ All! [_Chord._ Lady B. _collapses on chair_.
_Lady B._ (_with an effort_). And now, Elfie, that you know, you
scorn and hate your poor old Grandmother--is it not so?
_Elfie._ It is wrong to hate one’s Grandmother, whatever she does.
At first when I heard, I was very, very sorry. I _did_ think it was
most unkind of you. But now, oh, I _can’t_ believe that you had not
some good, wise motive, in acting as you did!
_Lady B._ (_in conscience-stricken aside_). Even _this_ cannot
shatter her artless faith ... Oh, wretch, wretch!
[_Covers her face._
_Monks._ Motive--I believe you there, Missie. Why, she went and
insured all their lives aforehand, _she_ did.
_Lady B._ Monkshood, in pity hold your peace!
_Elfie_ (_her face beaming_). I knew it--I was sure of it! Oh,
Granny, my dear, kind old Granny, you insured their lives first, so that
no real harm could possibly happen to them--oh, I am so happy!
[Illustration: “Good-bye, Good-bye!”]
_Lady B._ (_aside_). What shall I say? Merciful Powers, what _shall_
I say to her?
[_Disturbed sounds without._
_Monks._ I don’t know what you’d better _say_, but I can tell you
what your Ladyship had better _do_--and that is, take your ’ook while
you can. Even now the outraged populace approaches, to wreak a hawful
vengeance upon your guilty ’ed!
[_Melodramatic music._
_Lady B._ (_distractedly_). A mob! I cannot face them--they will tear
me limb from limb. At my age I could not survive such an indignity as
that! Hide me, Monkshood--help me to escape!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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