Chinatowns -- Pacific States -- Fiction; Chinese Americans -- Fiction; Short stories
He had his littlenesses as well as his bignesses, had Liu Kanghi. For
instance, he thought he knew better about what was good for my health
and other things, purely personal, than I did myself, and if my ideas
opposed or did not tally with his, he would very vigorously denounce
what he called “the foolishness of women.” If he admired a certain
dress, he would have me wear it on every occasion possible, and did not
seem to be able to understand that it was not always suitable.
“Wear the dress with the silver lines,” he said to me one day somewhat
authoritatively. I was attired for going out, but not as he wished to
see me. I answered that the dress with the silver lines was unsuitable
for a long and dusty ride on an open car.
“Never mind,” said he, “whether it is unsuitable or not. I wish you to
wear it.”
“All right,” I said. “I will wear it, but I will stay at home.”
I stayed at home, and so did he.
At another time, he reproved me for certain opinions I had expressed in
the presence of some of his countrymen. “You should not talk like that,”
said he. “They will think you are a bad woman.”
My white blood rose at that, and I answered him in a way which grieves
me to remember. For Kanghi had never meant to insult or hurt me.
Imperious by nature, he often spoke before he thought—and he was so
boyishly anxious for me to appear in the best light possible before his
own people.
There were other things too: a sort of childish jealousy and suspicion
which it was difficult to allay. But a woman can forgive much to a man,
the sincerity and strength of whose love makes her own, though true,
seem slight and mean.
Yes, life with Liu Kanghi was not without its trials and tribulations.
There was the continual uncertainty about his own life here in America,
the constant irritation caused by the assumption of the white men that a
white woman does not love her Chinese husband, and their actions
accordingly; also sneers and offensive remarks. There was also on Liu
Kanghi’s side an acute consciousness that, though belonging to him as
his wife, yet in a sense I was not his, but of the dominant race, which
claimed, even while it professed to despise me. This consciousness
betrayed itself in words and ways which filled me with a passion of pain
and humiliation. “Kanghi,” I would sharply say, for I had to cloak my
tenderness, “do not talk to me like that. You _are_ my superior.... I
would not love you if you were not.”
But in spite of all I could do or say, it was there between us: that
strange, invisible—what? Was it the barrier of race—that consciousness?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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