Cornwall (England : County) -- Fiction; Short stories, English
"Oh, cuss away, y' old varmint!" sang down Mr. Edwards cheerfully.
"The louder you cuss, the better the hearin'; 'means ye have air to
breathe an' nothin' broke internal. . . . Eh? Oh, _I_ knows th' old
warrior! Opened a gate for en once when he was out hare-huntin', up
St. Germans way--I likes a bit o' sport, I do, when I happens on it.
Lord love ye, the way he damned my eyes for bein' slow about it!
. . . Aye, aye, Admiral! Cuss away, cuss away--proper quarter-deck
you're givin' us! But we're gettin' to you fast as we can. . . .
England can't spare the likes o' you--an' she won't, not if we can
help it!"
The man worked like a demon. What is more, he was making the others
work, flailing them all--peer and baronet and parson--with
slave-driver's oaths, while they tugged to loosen the timbers under
which the magistrates' table lay wedged.
"Lift, I tell ye! Lift! . . . What the--'s wrong with that end o'
the beam? Stuck, is it? Jammed? Jammed your grandmothers!
Nobbut a few pounds o' loose lime an' plaster beddin' it. Get down
on your knees an' clear it. . . . That's better! And now pull!
PULL, I say! Oh, not _that_ way, you rabbits!--here, let me show
you!"
By efforts Herculean, first digging the rubbish clear with clawed
hands, then straining and heaving till their loins had almost
cracked, they levered up the table at length, and released not only
the Admiral, but the two remaining magistrates, whom they found
pinned under its weight, one unharmed, but in a swoon, the other
moaning feebly with the pain of two broken ribs.
"Whew! What the devil of a smell of brandy!" observed Lord Rattley,
mopping his brow in the intervals of helping to hoist the rescued
ones up the moraine. At the top of it, the Inspector, lifting his
head above the broken flooring to shout for help, broke into furious
profanity; for there, in the empty court-room, stood young Trudgian
and his wife, covered, indeed, with white dust, but blissfully wrapt
in their own marvellous escape; and young Trudgian for the moment was
wholly preoccupied in probing with two fingers for a piece of plaster
which had somehow found its way down his Selina's back between the
nape of the neck and the bodice.
"Drop it, you fool, and lend a hand!" objurgated the Inspector;
whereupon Mrs. Trudgian turned about, bridling.
"You leave my Tom alone, please! A man's first call is on his wedded
wife, I reckon."
The rescued magistrates were lifted out, carried forth into fresh
air, and laid on the turf by the wayside to recover somewhat while
the rescuers again wiped perspiring brows.
"A thimbleful o' brandy might do the Admiral good," suggested the
prisoner.
"Brandy?" cried Lord Rattley. "The air reeks of brandy!
Where the--?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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