Not George Washington — an Autobiographical NovelWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Not George Washington — an Autobiographical Novel
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
To the club this episode was decently buried in an unremembered past.
To me, however, it was significant, though I did not imagine it would
ever have the tremendous sequel which was brought about by the coming
of Thomas Blake.
Fate never planned a coup so successfully. The psychology of Blake’s
arrival was perfect. The boxers of Carnation Hall had worked themselves
into a mental condition which I knew was as ridiculous as it was
dangerous. Their conceit and their imagination transformed the hall
into a kind of improved National Sporting Club. They went about with an
air of subdued but tremendous athleticism. They affected a sort of
self-conscious nonchalance. They adopted an odiously patronising
attitude towards the once popular game of backgammon. I daresay that
picture is not yet forgotten where a British general, a man of blood
and iron, is portrayed as playing with a baby, to the utter neglect of
a table full of important military dispatches. Well, the club boys, to
a boy, posed as generals of blood and iron when they condescended to
play backgammon. They did it, but they let you see that they did not
regard it as one of the serious things of life.
Also, knowing that each other’s hitting was so scientific as to be
harmless, they would sometimes deliberately put their eye in front of
their opponent’s stylish left, in the hope that the blow would raise a
bruise. It hardly ever did. But occasionally——! Oh, then you should
have seen the hero-with-the-quiet-smile look on their faces as they
lounged ostentatiously about the place. In a word, they were above
themselves. They sighed for fresh worlds to conquer. And Thomas Blake
supplied the long-felt want.
Personally, I did not see his actual arrival. I only saw his handiwork
after he had been a visitor awhile within the hall. But, to avoid
unnecessary verbiage and to avail myself of the privilege of an author,
I will set down, from the evidence of witnesses, the main points of the
episode as though I myself had been present at his entrance.
He did not strike them, I am informed, as a particularly big man. He
was a shade under average height. His shoulders seemed to them not so
much broad as “humpy.” He rolled straight in from the street on a wet
Saturday night at ten minutes to nine, asking for “free tea.”
I should mention that on certain Fridays Hatton gave a free meal to his
parishioners on the understanding that it was rigidly connected with a
Short Address. The preceding Friday had been such an occasion. The
placards announcing the tea were still clinging to the outer railings
of the hall.
When I said that Blake asked for free tea, I should have said, shouted
for free tea. He cast one decisive glance at Hatton’s placards, and
rolled up. He shot into the gate, up the steps, down the passage, and
through the door leading into the big corrugated-iron hall which I used
for my lessons. And all the time he kept shouting for free tea.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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