"How we follow Self at first! How long we follow her! How pallid, how
ephemeral is all else beside that one bewitching form! We call her by
many beautiful names--our career, our religion, our work for others. The
face of Self is veiled, but we follow that mysterious rainbow-tinted
figure as some men follow art, as some men follow Christ, leaving all
else behind. We follow her across the rivers. If the stepping-stones
are alive and groan beneath our feet, what of that? We follow her across
the hills. Love weeps and falls behind, but what of that? The love which
will not climb the hills with us is not the love we need. Our friends
appeal to us and one by one fall behind. False friends! Let them go. Our
ideals are broken and left behind. Miserable impediments and hindrances!
Let them go too.
"For some of us Self flits veiled to the last, and we trudge to our
graves, looking ever and only at her across the brink. But sometimes she
takes pity on us. Sometimes she turns and confronts us in a narrow
place, and lifts her veil. We are alone at last with her we love. The
leprous face, the chasms where the eyes should be, the awful discoloured
hand are revealed to us, the crawling horror of every fold of that
alluring drapery.
"Here is the bride. Take her!
"And we turn, sick unto death, and flee for our lives.
"After that day, certain easy self-depreciations we say never again
while we have speech. After that day our cheap admission of our egotism
freezes on our lips. For we have seen. We know."
"We have seen. We know," repeated Aunt Harriet solemnly. "That last bit
simply changed my life. If I had a talent for writing like you, Maria,
which of course I have not, that is just the kind of thing I should have
said myself to help other sufferers. Unselfishness, that must be the
key-note of our lives. If the stepping-stones are alive and groan
beneath our feet, what of that? How often I have said those words to
myself when the feet of the world have gone over me, poor
stepping-stone, trying hard, trying so hard not to groan. And if I am to
be perfectly honest just for once, you know, dear Maria, you and Annette
_do_ trample somewhat heavily at times. Of course you are absorbed in
your work, and Annette is young, and you don't either of you mean it. I
know that, and I make allowances for you both. I am making allowances
all the time. But I sometimes wish you could remember that the poor
stepping-stone is alive."
There was a moment's silence. Annette got up and gently replaced the
_couvre-pied_ which had slipped from the stepping-stone's smart
high-heeled shoes. Aunt Harriet wiped away a delicious tear.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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