Old Friends: Essays in Epistolary ParodyLang, Andrew
General
Old Friends: Essays in Epistolary Parody
Lang, Andrew
Imaginary letters; Parodies; Wit and humor
No one needs to teach Monsieur Bucket that a foreign miscreant can be
given up, under all reserves, to the justice! A small vial of a harmless
soporific, a closed carriage, a private cabin on board a Channel
steamer—with these and a little of the adroitness so remarked in the
celebrated Bucket, the affair is in the bag! (_dans le sac_). All these
things are in the cords (_dans les cordes_) of my esteemed English
fellow-brother; will he not employ them in the interest of a devoted
colleague and a friendly Administration? We seek a malefactor of the
worst species (_un chenapan de la pire espèce_). This funny fellow
(_drôle_) calls himself Count of Fosco, and he resides in Wood Road 5,
St. John’s Forest; worth abode of a miscreant fit for the Forest of
Bondy! He is a man bald, stout, fair, and paying well in countenance
(_il paie de mine_), conceiving himself to resemble the great Napoleon.
At the first sight you would say a philanthrope, a friend of man. On his
right arm he bears a small red mark, round, the brand of a society of the
most dangerous. Dear Sir, you will not miss him? When once he is in our
hands, faith of Lecoq, you shall tell us your news as to whether France
can be grateful. Of more words there is no need.—I remain, all to you,
with the assurance of my most distinguished consideration,
LECOQ.
* * * * *
_From Inspector Bucket to M. Lecoq_.
May 22.
DEAR SIR,—Your polite favour to hand, and contents noted. You are a man
of the world; I am a man of the world, and proud to deal with you as
between man and man. The little irregularity shall be no consideration,
all shall be squared, and the man wanted run in with punctuality and
despatch. Expect him at Calais on the 26th current,—Faithfully yours,
C. BUCKET.
* * * * *
_From Count Fosco to Samuel Pickwick_, _Esq._, _G.C.M.P.C._, _Goswell
Road_.
5 Forest Road, St. John’s Wood, May 23.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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