English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
"I didn't hear anything."
"Oh!" she said in great disappointment. "But perhaps you were asleep,"
she went on hopefully.
"Certainly not. I was working."
"Did I interrupt you?"
"You did rather; but it doesn't matter."
"Oh, well, I won't do it again--unless I really have to. Good-bye, and
good luck."
She went out and I returned to my sofa. After an hour or so my mind
began to get to work, and I got up and walked slowly up and down the
room. The gentle exercise seemed to stimulate me. Seeing my new putter
in the corner of the room, I took it up (my brain full of other things)
and, dropping a golf ball on the carpet, began to practise. After five
or ten minutes, my ideas being now quite clear, I was just about to
substitute the pen for the putter when Celia came in.
"Oh!" she said. "Are--are you busy?"
I turned round from a difficult putt with the club in my hand.
"Very," I said. "What is it?"
"I don't want to disturb you if you're working----"
"I am."
"But I just wondered if you--if you liked artichokes."
I looked at her coldly.
"I will fill in your confession book another time," I said stiffly, and
I sat down with dignity at my desk and dipped the putter in the ink.
"It's for dinner to-night," said Celia persuasively. "Do say. Because I
don't want to eat them all by myself."
I saw that I should have to humour her.
"If it's a Jerusalem artichoke you mean, yes," I said; "the other sort,
no. J. Arthur Choke I love."
"Right-o. Sorry for interrupting." And then as she went to the door,
"You _did_ hear Jumbo this time, didn't you?"
"I believe that's the only reason you came in for."
"Well, one of them."
"Are you coming in again?"
"Don't know," she smiled. "Depends if I can think of an excuse."
"Right," I said. "In that case----"
There was nothing else for it; I took up my pen and began to work.
But I have a suggestion to make to Celia. At present, although Jumbo is
really mine, _she_ is having all the fun with him. And as long as Jumbo
is on the outside of the door there can never rise an occasion when I
should want to use him. My idea is that I should unscrew Jumbo and put
him on the _inside_ of the door, so that I can knock when I come out.
And then when Celia wants to come in she will warn me in the
old-fashioned way with her knuckles ... and I shall have time to do
something about it.
OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES
THE PARTING GUEST
When nice people ask me to their houses for the week-end, I reply that I
shall be delighted to come, but that pressure of work will prevent my
staying beyond Tuesday. Sometimes, in spite of this, they try to kick me
out on the Monday; and if I find that they are serious about it I may
possibly consent to go by an evening train. In any case, it always seems
to me a pity to have to leave a house just as you are beginning to know
your way to the bathroom.
"Is the 9.25 too early for you?" said Charles on Sunday night _a propos_
of nothing that I had said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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