Our Show: A Humorous Account of the International Exposition in Honor of the Centennial Anniversary of American Independence, from Inception to Completion, Including Description of Buildings, Biographies of Managers, Receptions of Foreign Dignitaries, Opening Ceremonies, Poem, Oration, Amusing Survey of All Departments, Incidents, Etc., Etc.Cohen, David Solis
History
Our Show: A Humorous Account of the International Exposition in Honor of the Centennial Anniversary of American Independence, from Inception to Completion, Including Description of Buildings, Biographies of Managers, Receptions of Foreign Dignitaries, Opening Ceremonies, Poem, Oration, Amusing Survey of All Departments, Incidents, Etc., Etc.
The strings were cut from the eagle’s talons, and the great machine with
a rush and a flutter, rose majestically five hundred feet in the air,
and--majestically staid there. Then the intrepid rider began hunting for
the screw designed to effect a downward motion, and the passenger in the
boudoir began to look pale and anxious. The crowd below saw a little man
frantically jerking at wires and springs, turning screws and varying
gauges, and a metallic eagle stationery in the air above them.
[YE GALLANT TAR AND HIS MORTAR.]
The inventor’s exertions were in vain; the machine wouldn’t go up and
wouldn’t come down. There hung the noble bird with its noble freight,
like Mahomet’s coffin, ’twixt earth and heaven. Night fell and the eagle
didn’t. The pale moon rose up slowly and calmly, she looked down, and
her man seemed to be laughing at the unfortunate aeronauts. A week
passed, and the refrigerator being empty, it was dropped from the bird’s
beak in the hope of effecting a change of position;--but all in vain.
That machine became an object of exclusive interest, and hundreds of
plans were devised for reaching it, but without avail. Mortars were
brought from the Navy Yard and provisions were shot up to the inventor,
and bouquets and slippers to his companion. A loaf of rye bread hit the
proud American eagle in the eye, and a veal cutlet knocked out the
passenger’s front teeth. On the twelfth day of their elevation, a rope
two miles long, manufactured expressly for the purpose, was tied around
the body of a young porker. Piggy was then shot up from a mortar aimed
by Mr. A. E. Borie, whose experience as Secretary of the Navy made him
best fitted for the delicate and important task. The choice was well
made; the porker landed in the passenger’s lap and was clasped to his
bosom in a convulsive embrace. Then a discussion arose in the air ship
as to which of the twain should be first lowered. A penny was tossed,
and of course the passenger won. The haggard inventor sighed and
submitted to the decree of fate. But the moment the great preacher was
out of the machine, while he yet dangled in air, it collapsed, and
before the pitying and astounded crowd could utter the cry which rose to
its lips, the wonderful aerial ship was a ton of old metal and straps,
strewed about the Centennial grounds. The passenger came down, as he
does all things, gracefully, and was caught in the outstretched arms of
a delegation of his flock. Mr. Airy was shipped back to Georgia in
sunburnt sections, just as he was found, a leg to-day, a thumb
to-morrow, and a nose next week. They were still receiving small
consignments of him at headquarters at last accounts. Coroner’s
verdict:--“Too much gas in the balloon to allow it to come down, and not
enough to carry it up higher.”
This failure cast a gloom over the exhibition, which was not dispelled
until the 21st day of the month, when the great “cricket match” was
inaugurated.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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