Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. VI
General
Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. VI
Parodies
We was pretty gone on the wrong side, stagg’rin’ ’ome that night,
And there was Flo sittin’ and watchin’, with the room clean and
bright.
With a curse at her for waitin’ I flung myself on the bed,
Catchin’ the lamp with my arm, and pullin’ it down on my ’ead.
Flo flung herself down upon me, and then I woke from my daze,
We smoth’rd the flames with a rug, but Flo was all a blaze.
I flung the blanket upon her, I seemed to go off my ’ead;
But when I got back to my senses, they told me that Flo was dead.
She’d given her life for her father, for such a wretch as me,
And mainly because she knew, sir, that I warn’t fit to die.
When I got better they told me the last words ’o little Flo
“They wouldn’t have ’im in ’eaven, if he was drunk, you know.”
On my word, sir, that fetched me, I never drank since that night;
And I prays as I’ll follow Flo up to her ’ome ’o light.
For as that child forgave me, I believes by and by
As He’ll forgive me too, sir, who came for sinners to die.
So little Flo’s life warn’t lost, she showed me the way to live;
She showed me what goodness meant, the way that a girl can forgive.
When I am tempted to drink, I thinks o’ the last words o’ Flo,
“He couldn’t be let into ’eaven if he was drunk, you know.”
MAGNUM BONUM.
――――
THE COSTER’S PLEA.
What ’ave I got to say, Mr. Beak, about the row last night,
When I knocked the peeler down twice? Well, it was just a fight
For liberty for me, sir――me an’ me old dawg Jack;
The bobby tried to cop ’im, and I put ’im on ’is back.
I tried to fight ’im fair, sir, but ’e pulled ’is trunchin out
To brain my dear old dawg with, an’ the people round about
Cried “Shame!” but it ony made him madder like, yer see,
And then ’twas a matter ’o fists for to set my old dawg free.
Why did I fight for a dawg so an’ try to injer the perlice?
Well, cos if they ’ad took ’im I’d ’ave never ’ad no peace.
Just cos that faithful dawg years ago did that for me
What I could’nt, sir, forget if a ’underd I should be.
Twelve years ago old Jack, ’e, when not much mor’n a pup,
One night lay in ’is corner――’e’d ’ad neither bit nor sup;
For times ’ad bin rare bad――’e lay down an’ shet ’is eyes,
’E was ’ungry, an’ wet, an’ tired, an’ ’ad ’ardly strength to rise.
The missus an’ me went off up ter bed ter try ’an sleep,
But when your stummick’s empty, its apt yer awake to keep;
But at last we went sound off, an’ dead beat as we ’ad bin,
A sleep as ’eavy as death, by-an’-bye, we both was in.
I suppose we’d been asleep nigh upon a couple o’ hour,
When Jack ’e woke me barkin’, an’ I see ’is tew eyes glower,
Then I looked an’ missed our kiddy from ’er bed on the floor,
But I spied ’er little bed things layin’ close again the door.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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