Peck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite HumoristPeck, George W. (George Wilbur)
General
Peck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite Humorist
Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
American wit and humor
and a new lot of seven years old horses will take their places. It is
singular, but it is true. That is, it is true unless horse dealers lie,
and THE SUN would be slow to charge so grave a crime upon a useful and
enterprising class of citizens. No, it cannot be, and yet, don't it seem
peculiar that all the horses in this broad land are seven years old this
spring? We leave the suject for the youth of the land to wonder over,
PECK'S BAD BOY AND HIS PA.
HIS PA JOINS A TEMPERANCE SOCIETY.
"Don't you think my Pa is showing his age a good deal more than usual?"
asked the bad boy of the grocery man, as he took a smoked herring out of a
box, and peeled off the skin with a broken bladed jack-knife, and split it
open and ripped off the bone, threw the head at a cat, took some crackers
and began to eat.
"Well, I don't know but he does look as though he was getting old," said
the grocery man, as he took a piece of yellow wrapping paper and charged
the boy's poor old father with a dozen herrings and a pound of crackers;
"But there is no wonder he is getting old. I wouldn't go through what your
father has, the last year, for a million dollars. I tell you, boy, when
your father is dead, and you get a step-father, and he makes you walk the
chalk mark, you will realize what a bonanza you have fooled yourself out
of by killing off your father. The way I figure it, your father will last
about six months, and you ought to treat him right, the little time he has
to live."
"Well, I am going to," said the boy, as he picked the herring bones out of
his teeth with a piece of a match that he sharpened with his knife. "But I
don't believe in borrowing trouble about a step-father so long before
hand. I don't think Ma could get a man to step into Pa's shoes, as long as
I lived, not if she was inlaid with diamonds, and owned a brewery. There
are brave men, I know, that are on the marry, but none of them would want
to be brevet father to a cherubim like me, except he got pretty good
wages. And then, since Pa was dissected he is going to lead a different
life, and I guess I will make a man of him, if he holds out. We got him to
join the Good Templars last night."
"No, you don't tell me," said the grocery man, as he thought that
his trade in cider for mince pies would be cut off. "So you got him into
the Good Templars, eh?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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